Year round school, it's a good thing

I don't know if it's the heat exhaustion or my neighbor's dog talking, but I can't go to a record store, drive-thru or movie theater without being confronted by the cream of today's youth looking at me vacantly and saying "you want cheese on what?" when I clearly asked for the time.
And when I say "cream," I mean it, these are our best and brightest, the one's with jobs working hard to buy all that stuff kids like: Tattoos, piercings, CDs of the hardcore rap-metal music, organically grown medicinal herbs and T-shirts with dirty words on them.
It's gotten so bad, I feel like I need an interpreter just to go to the video store.
Me: "Do you have 'Traffic?!'"
Kid behind counter: "Uuuuhhh... what?"
Translator: "Dude, you got that movie with that guy, right, who was in that 'way' movie about the gun with that other guy, not the white guy, the other dude?'
Kid behind counter: "Oh, s'over there."
Translator: "Yes, we do, sir, it just came in. It's in the New Releases section along the back wall between the one row of science fiction and the four rows of Gene Hackman movies."
The answer is clear, we need to send our kids to school year round. This three months of vacation has just got to stop. It makes the job of teachers harder, it makes kids lazy, wastes everyone's time at the beginning of the year playing catch up, gives kids too much time to do nothing but look for trouble and ultimately undermines the economic prosperity of the United States.
I went to college with people who could barely read let along think logically. If it weren't for lax admission standards, they would never have gotten in.
Our community schools should operate like well-run indoctrination camps: Constant repetition, gray uniforms, regular intense physical activity and healthy portions of inexpensive, nutritional gruel - like in England.
A mind, like a good cliche, is a terrible thing to waste. A couple weeks off is more than enough time for our little darlings to recuperate from the strenuous activity that is learning.
Young minds need to be kept active and given the choice between thinking and taking root in front of the TV, most kids will veg out every time.
I know because I too spent summer's doing as little as possible. Luckily for my brain, I didn't have cable so I had to read. I still ended up stupid compared to my counterparts from other countries and for that, I am eternally bitter.
It is necessary for the mature grown up ones in this society to make sure the next generation of Americans have Ginsu sharp minds so they can grow up smart enough to truly appreciate just how miserable they are working 40 hours a week.
Countries like Japan and China keep their kids in school continually. As a result, they respect knowledge and the fruit it brings. True, some of those kids are high strung and you hear about stress-induced suicides, but that's rare. Somehow I suspect our kids wouldn't stress out.
In fact, giving our kids something to do besides sitting around complaining about how much stuff you haven't bought them yet would probably help keep morale up. It would certainly do wonders for mine.
You hear a lot of talk about kids and their self-esteem these days. It is important to help children feel good about themselves. But nothing helps a kid's self-esteem like possessing normal intelligence.
So pack them in year round, fill their heads with ideas, teach them Latin, French and Spanish. Make sure every one of them can do calculus, play an instrument and read at the college level before they graduate. Teach them to rebuild an engine, throw pots and sing arias. Explore the human potential that lives inside each child.
And let's make them wear uniforms while we're at it. My sister, not a conservative woman, said something funny the other day. "Girls dress like whores these days." Now, I don't want to judge and lord knows I'm no fashion expert, but if backless shirts, tube tops and platform shoes are what hookers wear, so be it. In school, it just isn't appropriate. Learning is hard enough without doing it in the middle of Times Square.
The boys are no better, they all look like they just got out of the joint. Here's a tip guys, baggy pants are helpful when Tito from cell block C is eying you, but outside OZ, they just slow you down. A skinny punk in a T-shirt three sizes too big just looks like an even skinnier punk.
Out of school, do you what you want, but in school, it should be uniform time. Sensible, professional and studious clothes will make educating kids less distracting, make social distinctions meaningless and be ultimately cheaper for parents.
In 50 years, economists say China will be THE economic superpower. At that point, we aren't going to be able to entice smart people to come to the United States. They will just stay in China because the money is better. You can only be rich and stupid for so long so before the money runs out, America, so let's learn them kids good.
Greg Jerrett is a Nonpareil staff writer. He can be contacted at gjerrett@nonpareilonline.com.