From C.B. to Beijing and back

This may be my last column for some time because this week I found myself trapped in a logical argument that requires me to move to China.
This argument was so completely solid and airtight that it would have suffocated Socrates. After I suggested that most Asian and European students might actually be better educated than American students because of a greater emphasis on education and the predominance of year-round schooling, it was suggested that if I thought that I should move there.
Upon hearing this rationalistic ultimatum, I instantly turned into one of those old "Star Trek" computers. Unable to escape this crafty "logic trap," my head began to smoke, my eyes blinked with an involuntary flutter and I walked about the office muttering to myself until I simply shut down. I had been confronted with the classic "love it or leave it" gambit, to which, there is apparently no defense.
"Curses!" I shouted as I packed my subtitled copy of "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon," my well-seasoned wok and my annotated edition of "The Private Life of Chairman Mao" by Zhisui Li.
If only there were some way out of it but there wasn't.
I had suggested we might try something to improve education in our small corner of America and for that, I had to move. Goodbye, sweet freedom. Hello, Beijing. At least I'll be on hand for the Olympics.
And then I realized that "America - love it or leave it" was one of the most asinine, low brow and anti-American suggestions ever posed by the Bumper Sticker Publishers Group of America. It's right down there with "S--- Happens," "My other car is a Porsche," "I brake for shoe sales" and "My kid can beat up your honors student."
Why so many Americans utter this statement with pride confounds me since most bumper stickers of this variety are actually made in China to begin with. Coincidence? I think not.
The thing I have always thought was great about America - the America of Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Franklin, George Washington, Thomas Paine and all those other guys on the back of the $100 bill - is that you can criticize it AND love it at the same time. No one has to move anywhere.
But I am glad for this opportunity to examine the "love it or leave it" theory of American politics. For years I have been frustrated by this statement. In a country founded on civil disobedience, it is frustrating that so many Americans take comfort in a slogan that is anti-political, anti-activist, anti-free expression and pro-apathy.
No where in the Constitution does it say that Americans are obligated to sit by and watch our country degenerate. Since when does doing nothing prove how much we love America? Is that the attitude that killed all those Nazis?
America is like a fina automobile, it requires proper maintenance to keep it running well. The price of freedom is constant vigilance not bland acceptance.
There are millions of Americans from 50 very different states of countless ethnic origins, creeds, religions and opinions. If we take into account the multitude of separate, personal interests and multiply those by region, state, county, city, social class, political perspective, age, generation, wealth and educational level we have a combinatorial statistical explosion which basically means it is a wonder that any two people in the United States ever agree on anything long enough to form a consensus let alone a poltical party. Of course we disagree.
I do not find people who have nothing to complain about all that patriotic.
While the drone of hopeless whining can become tiresome, this great country of ours is far too big and lumbering for anyone to find it perfect. Show America you care. Find something you don't like and try and change it.
Here are few things I don't like about America. I don't like that pride of ignorance has replaced common sense, that road rage has replaced rugged individualism, that "me first" has replaced common decency.
I especially dislike that TV has replaced just about everything else of value. I do not care much at all for our opinion-stifling political process that has given us two virtually identical political parties from which to choose the lesser of two evils.
I hate corporate boy bands, teen sex kittens, Kathy Lee Gifford and everything they stand for.
There are a lot of things I do like about America that make it worth fighting for. Random acts of kindness, the indignity we feel when others get screwed over, our willingness to help the less fortunate, stand-up comedians, political satire.
I love that we have the best writers in the world: Hunter S. Thompson, Truman Capote, Flannery O'Connor, Jane Smiley, Kurt Vonnegut and William Faulkner.
I love rock 'n' roll, activism, Woody Guthrie and everything they stand for.
So the next time you feel tempted to say, "if you don't like it move somewhere else," feel free to take your own advice because my America was founded by guys who didn't like all kinds of things about their country and did something about it.
Greg Jerrett is a Nonpareil staff writer. He can be contacted at gjerrett@nonpareilonline.com.