Dennis Miller ranting no more (Dennis Miller)7.16.02

I found out last week that Dennis Miller, the bon mot-spouting pragmatist of "Dennis Miller Live," formerly of "Saturday Night Live's" Weekend Update fame, is getting the axe from HBO. I gotta tell you, this is a world-class bummer for me.
Every writer can tell you who inspired them to do what they do and I'm not shy about the list of muckraking scribes I call influences, but I have not done enough to put Dennis Miller on that list. Primarily, I think of him as a comedian and while he has books to his credit, most of them are transcripts of his televised rants from "Dennis Miller Live."
When I started writing columns in college, it was with a copy of "Rants" and "Ranting Again" right by my side and if I had to do it all over again, the only thing I would change would be to add "I Rant, Therefore I Am" and "The Rant Zone" to that stack.
I have not subscribed to HBO once in the nine season run of "Dennis Miller Live." Luckily, I have always been able to catch up online, at a friend's house or by catching the audio-only version on scrambled HBO channels. It's just that good.
Miller has a cadence and rhythm that are surpassed only by his arcane references, practical politics and hardcore style of diatribe. He is the perfect American social commentator in my humble opinion. He is caustic, intelligent, vulgar, self-deprecating, honest and only just this side of aging hipster. He changes his position, admits when he screws up and sees life's details with magnificent clarity translating complex issues for a wider audience.
I trust a guy like Miller because when he does a commercial for 10-10-220, shills for HBO, gets canned from "Monday Night Football" or does a movie that tanks, he has no problem pointing the finger squarely at his own chest while calling himself a prostitute, a hack, an egotist all while making better use of four-letter words than the TV Guide crossword puzzle. When he opened last week's show only a few days after being nixed from HBO and a few months after being dropped from "Monday Night Football," Miller said, "How many jobs can a guy %#$@!%& lose in one year?" breaking the tension before going on to rant about corporate and personal responsibility. What style.
My early columns were practically an homage to Dennis Miller and while I will always have that taint, today I thought I would break out an old-school, Miller-esque tirade in honor of the man I hope will always be able to espouse his views in some forum.
Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but if any country at any time ever needed outspoken social critics it is the United States at the start of the 21st century. American political discourse today has about as much meat in it as Harrah's Buffet after a visit by the three tenors, Louie Anderson and Gorak the Carnivore of Meatus IX.
Dissension, competition and debate, once the foundations of American democracy have taken more hits than a drunken sorority girl on Ladies Night at the Virginia Military Institute. Our country was founded on certain principles: freedom of religion, the pursuit of happiness, the right to own property, one man one vote and that what the Indians didn't know couldn't hurt us.
But freedom of the press, the right to assemble and the need for dissent have become about as popular as Jerry Falwell at the Moonlight Bunny Ranch.
No one needs to take away Americans rights to say what they want because the sad fact is that we are sheep that like to be shorn. At no time in our history has that been more obvious than after 9/11. Americans lined up to hand over their rights to individual thought so fast even a few reactionary demagogues were shocked and appalled.
After decades of main stream America shutting down and tuning out vocal minorities like the Peace Movement, Civil Rights Movement, Animal Rights, Free Tibet, Free Quebec and people who prefer non-dairy creamer to half and half, discourse and opinion are doing about as well as Keith Richard's liver at the V.I.P. tent at Oktoberfest.
Will Rogers, Woody Guthrie and Mark Twain used to rile people up and Americans liked it. Today, we like our controversy subdued and our scandals in neat, little sound bites so we can easily digest them. Newspaper readership is sinking faster than the Edmund Fitzgerald and even hard news magazines are adopting a more "reader friendly" format which is code for fewer words, bigger print and more pictures of half naked celebrities.
We should learn to love debate again, mis amigos invisibles, because disagreeing with everybody is as American as apple pie in the hands of female body builder with a bald eagle tattoo playing baseball in a red, white and blue bikini singing "Born in the U.S.A." as she slides into home plate. If that's what you think.
Of course, that's just my opinion, I could be wrong. Dennis Miller still rules.
- Greg Jerrett is a Nonpareil staff writer. His column runs on Wednesdays and Saturdays. He may be contacted at 328-1811, Ext. 279, or by e-mail at gjerrett@nonpareilonline.com.