Thanksgiving about friends, family and gravy (thanksgiving 2001) 11.16.01

Note: This column can be sung in its entirety to the tune of "Pretty Boy Floyd" by Woody Guthrie.
Won't you gather 'round me children, here's a story I will tell. About a day of eating... all the turkey you can hold... down.
Ah, the holidays. Thanksgiving is my favorite. It is not nearly as commercial as Christmas, Halloween, Easter, St. Patrick's Day or even Arbor Day, which we all know is just an excuse for the Man to sell more trees! Am I right people?
The word "holiday" literally means "holy day" and time was all holidays had a religious element and were not just about taking the day off. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but I like my holy days to be pure, spiritual and, whenever possible, covered in gravy.
Nothing beats the purity, spirituality and gravy of Thanksgiving, of getting together with the family to do nothing more complicated than to have a meal that's every element drips with tradition, meaning and turkey fat.
There is a purpose behind everything on the table at Thanksgiving from the bird that was Ben Franklin's choice for national bird (not the eagle) to the New England cranberry sauce that sits upright jiggling on a saucer with the ridges from the can still embedded in its side.
Stuffing, what a great thing to do to stale bread. I like any food item with peasant origins and stuffing is one of the top ten greatest peasant foods ever invented as a way to save bread from the trash and every drop of flavor from the body cavity of fowl.
Corn, that fat, rich, yellow plant that is so perfect in flavor and nutrition that it gets its own god in some polytheistic, animistic cultures. If any food deserves to be worshipped, it is corn.
This is doubly true in Iowa, the world's number one corn producer. Our bountiful harvests not only feed us they feed the world. It is nice to celebrate your own plenty, but it can only be enhanced by celebrating the plenty you put on nearly every table of the world. That is a warm feeling that doesn't go away.
It has been said before but it bears repeating year after year for that is what makes a tradition a tradition: Thanksgiving is a day to reflect on how lucky we truly are.
We are lucky to have such copious bounty, to be able to eat that copious bounty with friends and family and to work out all our issues while ruining someone else's copious hard work. Nothing makes turkey and stuffing taste better than pointing the finger at someone. Except, of course, for gravy, which should also have its own deity.
It is a cleansing to get these things out at Thanksgiving because the more turkey you eat, the more tired you get and the less important all your issues become as you pass out on the couch from turkey coma.
For the last three years, I have spent Thanksgiving either volunteering at churches I didn't belong to or sitting alone in a graduate dorm eating rotisserie chicken watching Clint Eastwood shoot people on TBS and giving thanks for the bounty of Wild Turkey and Pepsi in my 64-ounce Kwik Shop insulated mug.
That isn't half bad either.
Nothing beats hour after hour of watching Clint Eastwood pretend to kill people unless it is the "Christmas Story" marathon on TNT.
Ted Turner, how did we make it through the holidays without you? Excuse me, I promised myself I wouldn't cry, but I tend to get a little emotional around the holidays.
OK, I'm back. Thanksgiving is the greatest holiday contributed to North American culture by Indians and the only unfortunate thing about it is that people think the Pilgrims (emphasis on the grim) could have come up with it.
No, today's Thanksgiving is the descendant of the Native American harvest festival and made its way into the culture through the Pilgrims. That's why they don't have Thanksgiving in England. English folks had no need for gratitude until they found their bacon saved from the fires of starvations by the likes of Chief Massasoit of the Wampanoags and his buddy, Squanto, a man who liked a good party unlike your average Calvinist.
So this Thursday, live it up, give thanks, appreciate those people near and dear to you, eat tremendous amounts of great food, play with the kids, watch some football, PLAY some football and, if all else fails, remember that "Kelly's Heroes," "Two Mules for Sister Sara" and "Any Which Way You Can" will all be airing on Thanksgiving.
-Greg Jerrett is Daily Nonpareil staff writer. He can be reached at 328-1811 ext. 279 or by e-mail at gjerrett@nonpareilonline.com.