Just say no to immigrant hating bills (hostile legislation) 3.15.02

Nothing gets the blood pumping like a good, old-fashioned rant. While hostile, a rant is still the best way I know of saying, "hey, I yell because I care."
Not to mention, watching someone rant and rave is usually a pretty good time for most people waiting to see a worked-up guy have a coronary.
I was a bit more inclined to all-out episodes "back in the day" when, as a wild-eyed college boy, I could go off at will about those "massive, hairy, dimwitted tools in Des Moines," as my grandmother calls our legislators.
Focused, polite, professional aggression works just as well these days and is apparently still part of the equation for the fine, smooth-skinned, thoughtful ladies and gentlemen of the Iowa Legislature.
Speaking of focused, polite, professional aggression, here are a few thoughts on the English-Only and Covenant Marriage bills - give it a rest. You cannot nor should you attempt to try to control the future of this state or this nation by forcing people into some predetermined good behavior model based on 1950s-era sitcoms that were bogus anyway and here is why.
The state of the state of Iowa is not good. Change is coming whether we like it or not. Change is very much needed whether we admit it or not. Accepting change with dignity, foresight and grace is about the only thing that will keep us lovingly in the hearts and minds of those who come after us.
By "those who come after us," I mostly mean Mexicans, Asians and other immigrants, not our descendants because they will have moved on by then.
You see, I grew up in Iowa and while most of my friends hit the road as soon as possible, I stayed under the auspices that - good or bad - this is my home. That may or may not have been the right choice; I don't know for sure.
That was before I developed a penchant for play writing and a will toward word smithing. Not a lot of careers for people like me here. So it goes. Let's create opportunity, I figured.
MAYBE if I had lit out I could have done better in an environment that does not so passive aggressively eat its young, but I like to think that I made the right choice.
I don't know what future an alternate reality might have wrought, I could have been stabbed straight off the bus in New York before I ever even got that lucrative busboy job to tide me over for 10 years while developing a substance abuse problem and selling plasma for groceries.
Iowa is in trouble. The youth of Iowa take off at an alarming rate because there is nothing to do here and worse yet, no incentive to stay and try to make a life.
This is just a place for us to sit and wonder why while our legislature tries to come up with new and more bizarre ways to protect our dying way of life.
Covenant Marriage and English-Only are two seriously hostile and futile measures. Covenant Marriage is hostile because it turns single motherhood into the root of all evil. Should people keep their pants on? Probably, but they won't and rushing to get married to any old guy just makes things worse.
It is this kind of "good old days" legislation that says if people are unwilling or unable to act the way we used to back when we were young and everything was good, then we will just have to sweeten the pot by making it cheaper to get married and harder to get divorced.
Covenant marriage is watered down now to giving people a cheaper deal on getting married if they get some marriage counseling. Yeah, that will work. I'm sure no one could take those classes just to get married cheaper and blow off the lessons they teach.
Let's make this about economics because we all know the poor are the only people who need educated. The wealthy, whose marriages always work as long as there is money in the bank, can afford to keep on keeping on.
The problems of our society are not solely committed by the poor from broken homes and this goes doubly so for Iowa. I am betting there were plenty of Enron higher-ups from two-parent households who still managed to grow up evil as all get out.
Personally, I would rather be raised by one parent than two parents in a loveless or angry marriage, but that's just me, a guy who WAS raised by one parent who has no drug problems and is not committing any crimes anyone is aware of. Let's just realize that people used to get married and stay married because there was NOTHING ELSE TO DO IN THIS WORLD. Chores needed doing, settlers were afraid of Indians, cable had yet to be invented and 98 percent of everyone on the planet was a farmer.
We are a culture in transition and marriage is an ancient tradition. Eventually, it will be an anachronism. We are just seeing the early signs of that now.
And the biggest stinking piece of ill-conceived, waste-of-time, immigrant-hating legislation was last week's English-Only Bill that finally managed to establish once and for all that English is the official language of Iowa.
Weak-as-water, this bill only actually says Iowa will continue to do official business in English as it has since 1846.
What it really does is tell all immigrants "Iowa hates you and doesn't want your kind here unless you are are willing to become just like us really fast."
Let's be pragmatic. We need immigrants now more than ever and we should welcome them openly and accommodate them because then truth is, they aren't any more likely to stay than our own young people. You know why? Mexicans are no more likely to want their American children to grow up and work in a slaughterhouse than you are.
Iowa is changing. We should foster that change rather than fear it. Passive aggressive legislation might be very Iowan, but it is time to bend like a reed in the wind lest we break right in two.