Taco John's, I miss you

My job is writing and sometimes with the e-mails and comment boards, I just get bogged down, or should I say, BLOGGED DOWN? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!

Seriously though. I can't catch a break. I feel like I live in the busiest, loudiest vacuum ever created. Is that wrong? I'm lonely, yet I hate crowds. I think I need to find a good ho-house or maybe a really adventurous 18-year old who is blind.

Maybe I just need to get some plants around my place. That might do the trick.

I just got a new cell phone last weekend. The cord on the one I had for three years went bad. Not the phone itself you understand, just the cord. The cord would have cost $32 to fix, but a new phone was free. I was torn. Then the dude told me I could play Asteroids all I wanted on the new phone for $4. I was pumped.

My fingers are numb. It's hard to jerk it when youy fingers are numb because masturbation is about giving as well as receiving pleasure. Life sucks and is frustrating.

I have a full-time grown-up career type job as a reporter and I can barely afford my medication. I'm thinking about pan-handling. Maybe I should have become a cocaine mule when I had the chance.

My bang buddy recently wigged on me. Which is really too bad since we hadn't gotten around to having sex yet. Does that count? I don't know why peole make promises they can't keep.

The other day I ate four Whoppers ... with cheese. Not all at once, I mean, I'm not a pig. I had two for lunch and then two more for dinner. I ate enough calories to sustain a family of five in India for a month. And the really scary thing is ... I liked it.

I almost beat the shit out of this guy the other day for cutting in line at the grocery store. He knew I was there. I could tell because he did that kind of stupid "I can't see you but I'm looking at everything else but you" look. I've seen that look. I've done that look. I didn't "get up in his grill" about it, but i did say to my nephew, "hey, this guy thinks he's in front of us." Which he heard of course, because in addition to "not looking" at us, he was also "not listening" to us just to see if we noticed. He got snotty with me, "Oh, sorry, I didn't see you there." I weigh in at 400 pounds. The chance of anyone not seeing me is pretty slim. I said, "Well now you do." One thing led to another and I called him a stupid white piece of shit. Not because I hate whitey or anything, I just wanted to say something to him that would really, REALLY piss him off. I've said worse, believe me.

This woman once told me to watch my mouth in front of her kid. I said, "Lady, fuck you and your kid." Which in retrospect is a little over the top, but what can I say, not everything out my mouth is fucking poetry and roses. You gotta problem with that?

I used to work at a Taco John's. It was one of the best jobs I ever had in my life. I never went to the grocery store. I lived off burritos and potato ole's. If I had paid full price for everything I ate, I would have spent nearly $50 a day. And those were 1988 dollars mind you. My supervisor was a college girl – I was a college boy – so that was cool. One day she came over to my houe to get a massage. Apparently I let slip that I had good massage hands. There we were in my apartment all alone, me giving this good-looking blond dutch chick a massage. I had NO GAME whatsoever in those days. Hell, I still don't. Any real man would have gotten laid because what college girl would go over to a guy's house for a massage, a couple beers and Prince and not be at least vaguely interested. I didn't even approach the subject like "gosh, you know this would be much easier if you just took your bra off." You know, see if that works then ride her like a circus pony. You know what they say, if you can't get laid in college, things aint gonna get any better.

I don't know, but I've been told a lot of things.

Later on at Taco John's this same supervisor sabotaged my promotion chances. It was sexual discrimination if I ever saw it, which is kind of cool for me when you think about it. That's the closest I've come to a loving caring relationship.