Lawn Chair Larry Lives (lawnchairlarry) 7.2.02

Well, thanks to Steve Fosset, billionaire investment banker and intrepid adventurer, there is little point to becoming rich now. I was planning to rake it in at some point and start adventuring myself, but why bother. It's been done.
Apparently, the greatest advantage to being a billionaire is you can afford to try repeatedly to fly around the world in nothing but a high tech hot air balloon with little more than 50 gallons of Gatorade, a crate of Power Bars, computerized weather tracking computers, digital satellite communications equipment, an electric blanket and a port-a-potty to seek the praise of a public you normally just feed off of.
It's good to know all you need in this life to leave your mark is a tub full of guts ... oh, and a bank account you can choke a horse with.
Let me tell you about ma an with more intestinal fortitude than money - or brains for that matter - a working class hero with a dream to take to the skies, a man who would not let limited cash flow or no knowledge whatsoever of physics, engineering or aerodynamics stand in his way.
Lawn Chair Larry Walters was a Los Angeles man, a truck driver who, like most truck drivers, wanted to fly. Unfortunately, Larry was saddled with poor eyesight and unburdened by a billion dollars with which to make his meager dream of flight come true.
So 20 years ago on a sunny Los Angeles day in 1982 while sitting in his Sears aluminum lawn chair drinking Miller Lite (of course) and staring up at the afternoon sky at jets flying overhead, Larry had a vision and it was just crazy enough to work.
Larry calculated that 45 four-foot diameter helium-filled Army surplus weather balloons might have just enough pull to launch him and his lawn chair some 30 feet into the sky where he might enjoy the sensation of flight for a short time.
Larry's calculations included a few minor errors - namely it was all guesswork. Larry soared not 30 feet, not 100 feet, not even 1,000 feet into the air, but 16,000 feet into the busy sky over Los Angeles armed with a few sandwiches, some Miller Lite (of course) and a pellet gun to pop the balloons and facilitate his descent.
Once in the air, Larry was afraid that if he popped the balloons his aluminum lawn chair flying machine might become unstable and he might really be in trouble or drop his beer.
Fourteen hours later, Larry wandered into LAX air space and drew the attention of commercial pilots who almost dropped THEIR Miller Lites before they reported the strange sight.
His dream realized and feeling the pressing need to go to the bathroom, Larry decided it was time to risk popping a few balloons and return to the loving bonds of Terra Firma.
Larry's descent was stable enough, but his tether lines blacked out parts of Long Beach for 20 minutes when he ran into them.
On the ground, Larry was arrested. The FAA fined Larry $1,500 after they figured out exactly which rules he had violated. Larry gave up trucking, became a motivational speaker and in 1993 walked into a forest to shot himself in the heart at 44.
Lawn Chair Larry has been immortalized for what some call "his stupidity," but that is short-sighted and unkind. Old Lawn Chair maybe wasn't the brightest bulb in the pack but he not only made his dream come true for a couple hundred dollars, he shot right past it, got a cool new job, achieved the height record for highest altitude gas-filled clustered balloons and a Darwin's Award honorable mention for not dying during the stunt.
Anybody can make their dreams come true with with six multi-million dollar balloons and years to waste, but it's the guy sitting around eating Van Camp's Pork and Beans from a can, watching "Battle Bots" wondering if he has enough money to go to the dentist this month who gets a wild hair one day who makes the dream a reality for ALL of us.
Honestly, who do you REALLY identify with more, Larry or Steve?
Rest easy Lawn Chair Larry, not everyone down here thinks you are a complete tool.
- Greg Jerrett is a Nonpareil staff writer. His column runs on Wednesdays and Saturdays. He may be contacted at 328-1811, Ext. 279, or by e-mail at gjerrett@nonpareilonline.com.