Peace sells and we better be buying (iraq) 9.3.02

Going to war with Iraq is such a monumentally bad idea that I am suddenly left without the capacity for rational self expression. So I will just grunt and stamp for the length of this column in the hopes that my moral point of view or MPOV will spread via osmosis.
Right now, we are on the "brink" of war. The brink of war is a funny place to sit, because this is the point historians look back and wonder what exactly we were all thinking we were about to do; what was going through our minds before X happened?
No one "wants" war. Even the people who really, really do want war so bad they can taste it like a big juicy burger will tell us they don't want it. They will tell us that war is one of those inevitable eventualities of life to which old men commit - if not condemn - young men. War is something required in the struggle of right vs. wrong, good vs. evil, the light side of the force vs. the dark side of the force. It never ends.
And the truth is that some wars certainly are inevitable. I would even go so far as to say that as bad as war is, it can even be necessary.
But war with Iraq? Is it necessary or would it just feel good? War with Iraq is about as necessary as your typical bar brawl. The only reason to go at it with Iraq is to make us look cool in front of our girlfriends and buddies who had too many Jagermeisters.
People will argue about the necessity of war from now until the moment it gets started and the Desert Storm II: Electric Boogalo T-shirts, hats and bumper stickers go on sale. At that point, the debate will cease, Dubya's ratings will skyrocket, people will talk about the amazing resurgence of patriotism and how great it is that we are all on the same page "at last."
The problem is that Iraq is like one of those bullies you went to high school with. You know the guy, the one nobody liked who smoked weed during gym class. Everybody wanted to beat him up, but he had a lot of older cousins.
No one really likes Iraq including his cousins and while they would like to see him get a beat down they can't let it happen because moms would get mad.
Of course, at this point in history, it doesn't require 20/20 hindsight to know that Iraq is not so much the problem as the guy in charge, Saddam Hussein. The guy is a pathological freak and most Iraqis, like most Americans, would be happier without him. They are also like us in that they get up and go to work every day and just want to not be blown up on the way to the market one day. They would have taken care of this in 1991, too, if we hadn't pulled out leaving Saddam in power.
A regime change is needed in Iraq and Saddam Hussein and a few cronies are about the only people who disagree with that statement. He destabilizes the Middle East more than it already is and even the Saudis would like see him gone, but they can't just give us the thumbs up, because they have an image to maintain. It's like taking taking sides against your family.
Right now, we're the toughest kid on the block that everybody seems annoyed with. Even the guys we hang out with like England are telling us to "chill out 'cause the guy ain't worth it." But we really want to beat somebody up and we really want to make him swing first (casus belli-an event that justifies war).
In this case, the casus belli is that Iraq might be in possession of weapons of mass destruction or harboring al-Qaida. Whatever gets the job done. We aren't sure, but we do know they keep looking at us funny, i.e. they want really badly to be in possession of said weapons so no one will mess with them.
Different experts say different things. One expert says Iraq doesn't have jack for weapons while others says they could have a working nuke by 2005. Either way, most everyone agrees Saddam Hussein is a loose cannon. Not so much like "Die Hard," but more like Charles Manson, the Son of Sam or Napoleon.
This would all be much easier if we knew we had the support of anti-Hussein forces in Iraq, but unfortunately they haven't known what to make of us since 1991 when we pulled out and left them on their own - a curious move to say the least. This would all be a tad less difficult with the support of Arab countries in the region. This would almost be a no-brainer if a few of our allies were down with us, but they aren't.
What we do have is a slim possibility for a peaceful solution, but even that might just end up being a "prelude" to war. Vigorous weapons inspection backed by military force. No firing, just huge threats. We go in no holds barred, no shenanigans, no spontaneous civilian protests ... nothing. No rock left unturned, no door left locked, no falafel left untested for small pox and THEN maybe we can avoid a 10-year commitment and possible worldwide immolation. Perhaps with Saddam totally controlled, meaningful change in Iraq will be possible without war.
It is quite an investment, but then peace, usually is.
- Greg Jerrett is a Nonpareil staff writer. His column runs on Wednesdays and Saturdays. He may be contacted at 328-1811, Ext. 279, or by e-mail at gjerrett@nonpareilonline.com.