Goodbye Mountain Dew, hello diabetes (diabetes) 10.26.01

Some particularly immature people will question the existence of God simply because "bad things" happen. They posit that if God exists and is all-knowing, all-powerful and all-good, he could not possibly allow "bad things" to happen especially to "good people."
"Bad things" aplenty do indeed happen, therefore, God must not exist. QED. Done and done.
I could not agree less with this line of reasoning and have always believed that the gargantuan list of "bad things" that have been happening to people since the dawn of time are the best proof we have that there must be a God.
"Bad things" are just God's way of saying, "I saw what you did, I know what you are thinking, I am always watching you and I am going to kill you whenever I want."
If you do a few mental gymnastics, this is could actually be kind of comforting.
I am the Mary Lou Retton of mental gymnastics and I am now prepared to flip and tumble for your amusement.
Thursday, I was sitting in a doctor's office finding out I got the diabetes. It took about five minutes of real time. I suppose it should come as no surprise, but now, denial is not an option.
It figures that about the time I started getting my life in order, my career underway, started buying grownup clothes and luxury items like fruit that I would get diabetes.
I thought of about 20 different ways to approach this subject today from a classic bile-filled diatribe raging against the injustice of it all to a positive, uplifting message of courage in the face of adversity. I do plenty of the first and the second one is just not my style - Jesus, don't want me for a sunbeam.
Of course, I considered not ever mentioning it to anyone ever. It is my business and I don't need another label.
But if I am about nothing else, I am about a kind of brutal, often ill-conceived, honesty you find in children, the mentally challenged or college democrats.
The hardest part about getting a diagnoses like this is it changes your perception of who you are. I am not the person I was yesterday at noon. Am I supposed to accept that lightly?
I imagine it is not unlike the way women feel when they find out they are pregnant except that's a positive thing.
What bothers me most is diabetes makes me evolution's punk. I don't like getting a real good sense of my own mortality.
This diabetes pronouncement feels like the cold hand of death shooting me an e-mail to let me know he's OK and will eventually be coming to Council Bluffs to pay me a visit and play the loosest slots in the Midwest... the bastard.
Still it isn't all bad. I should have seen it coming and the solution, in addition to a few pills, is diet and exercise, something I should have been doing any way.
And maybe this WILL be an opportunity. After one pill I felt better than I have in weeks. I slept all night Thursday without getting up every hour to go to the bathroom and in spite of my low level anxiety, I am convinced that things can only get better.
Still I hate labels. So I close paraphrasing one of the coolest lines from "Angels in America," Tony Kushner's Pulitzer Prize winning play, "I am not a diabetic, I am just a regular guy who can't eat sugar!"
-Greg Jerrett is a Nonpareil staff writer. He can be contacted at 328-1811 ext. 279 or by e-mail at gjerrett@nonpareilonline.com.