If you're like me, and I know I am...

Friday, October 17, 2008

Review: W

Surprisingly even handed portrait of still president Bush lacking the massive attack I was hoping for from Oliver Stone. I'm sure conservatives will hate this movie because it isn't laudatory and some liberals might not dig it because it isn't damning enough. That might just be what makes this movie a fitting tribute to a 3rd rate prez, but not a good film. Save your money; wait for the DVD.

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Sunday, October 12, 2008

Friday, October 10, 2008

Review: Appaloosa

Short story: Rocks. Long story: Rooooooocks. This western has a traditional storyline with a revisionist look&feel that's like a warm bath for the mind punctuated with dapples of gunfire & a supcong of uniquely western romance. Only downside is Renee Zellweiger's bright white ass in one scene but it was entirely organic to the plot. 7 out of 10 whatevers.

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Review: Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist

Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist is the most unfathomably boring & pointless hipster teen romance I have EVER seen. The most unbelievable part of this movie-besides anyone wanting to screw the protagonists- is that it's based on a book. What a monumental POS that must have been. Movies like this are what make red-staters needlessly hate New York. Rent After Hours or High Fidelity instead.

Monday, September 29, 2008

Have I mentioned I hate drunks? pt 2

cont'd ... I offended the drunkard by suggesting we postpone talks until Kissinger frees up his schedule. This guy must have been accustomed to scaring people at some point in his life because he fixes me with this thousand-yard stare like I'd flinch. It was probably just Miller Lite poisoning keeping him from seeing straight but in spite of my cast and other infirmities, I just don't blink once I start shit. It'll probably get me killed one day but this time I got my 8-piece and my psychiatric meds and got the hell up out of there.

Have I mentioned I hate drunks? pt 1

Had another brouhaha this weekend. I was @ HyVee Food Store trying to pick up some herb roasted chicken just as the deli was closing @ 8. Not usually a problem except some drunk as fuck 1992 throwback was trying to dicker with the high school chick behind the counter over the price of a piece of dessicated meatloaf. She's not authorized or willing to give Drunky McDrunkerson - Tipsy to his friends - a break. Then he tries to get her to give up a little extra loaf. Normally, a guy wants to get a little extra for his money I figure good for him. But when it means making me wait around, listening to some babbling brook dirty alcoholic skank who's too shitered to know or care just how boring and pathetic he is in his best concert tank top and pajama bottom combo, his red eyes barely able to focus, I say screw all that noise. So just about the time the negotiations hit UN ridiculous levels,
I offended the drunkard by suggesting we postpone talks until Kissinger frees up his schedule. -30-

Thursday, September 25, 2008

My own personal Bigfoot

I see this Super Mario looking brother around town every once in a while & always try to get a shot of him. He is elusive this one. I had to follow him around the HyVee produce isle for over 20 minutes to get this pic unseen. Critics have accused me of faking this photo. Others have suggested this is just a man in a Mario suit. I hope to get a better shot of the mustache at some point in the future.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Socialism to the rescue... again

$700 BILLION of taxpayer money going to bail out the rapacious capitalist/corporatist hordes? Why not? Clearly helping people who have no health insurance is just encouraging them to be a drain on society, while helping people even President Chimp Apely, MBA recognizes as greedheads who've brought our economy very nearly to its knees is okey dokey because ... why? They've learned their lesson and have promised to be good from now on? Hell no. The only thing they've learned is they can be greedy to the point of treason and suffer NO CONSEQUENCES AT ALL. To the contrary, these banks are being rewarded for gross irresponsibility. So much for the free market. Can there be any greater example of the need for corporate regulation that actually keeps these mammon worshippers in line? There are laws to keep me from wreaking havok. Let's spread the law&order around a bit huh? -30-

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Khhhaaaaaaan!!!

Geek street cred established. I spent $5 on this articulated (10-points of it!) piece of plastic just so I couid leave it in the bag on display in my apartment. Yeah, I'm cool like that.

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Why's this bitch keep talking to me?

Seriously, I don't bother you while I'm reading Star Trek

fan fiction at the library do I?

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

My favorite bit of food porn

video

The world's most awesome combover

I STILL DIG MY VCR

Call me a Luddite if you must but for day to day recording I still prefer my VCR to my DVD burner. My VCR never refuses to record a PBS Johnny Cash special because it's copy protected. My VCR will record 3 sequential shows on 3 different channels without a 1 minute break at the end of each show where sometimes stuff happens I want to see. DVRs are great if you have money to burn & no disks to which you'd like to do the same.

Monday, September 22, 2008

My love life & other mythological creatures

I was stuck inside Target this summer during a storm.

Well, as the storm raged on, one thing led to another and ...

I snuck this pic for the old spank bank. Sigh.

The day they knocked down the Palais...

... part of my childhood died ... just died. I used to work

here in high school. This used to be called Sam's Hamburgers.

I could throw down 120 patties, flip 'em, cheese 'em, top 'em

& wrap 'em in 3 minutes. I was the Burgermeister Meisterburger.

Jesus vs Batman: Who would win in a fair fight?

My buddy kevin is all pissed at me for posing this
query without immediately surrendering to our
Lord championship status in the only field in which
he never claimed superiority: violence. We figured
Bats could beat Wolverine and even Superman but
Kevin just wouldnt give the Dark Knight the W over
JC even if neither one used batarangs or magic. I pointed
out that its hard to do roundhouse kicks wearing flip flops
and even harder to make a fist with holes in your hands
but Kev would have none of it. He is truly faithful
that one.

It stands to reason that if Jesus could get beat down by
a bunch of guys in sandals with no guns while weve
all seen the Bat take on way tougher like Joker and
Two Face then by the transitive property of basic logic
Batman could more than likely beat our Saviour in a
friendly dust up. This doesnt mean Christianity is
meritless. It it does anything it reinforces that
Christianity is a religion whose believes are supposed
to allow their asses to be kicked.

QED.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

porn or ice cream?

Cherry Nut Crunch
Oreo blizzard
Dippin Chocolate
Chunky Monkey
99 cent Banana Split Junior
Exploited Black Teens 27

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Song for Jason

Alright mother scratchers, let's see if I've got one more in me before the big sleep comes down. First off, congestive heart failure: yes, it IS a chronic condition. Starting some time last July, I started going down hill. Bloated right up, couldn't breathe, couldn't sleep. Being the real man I am, I toughed it out until November when things got so bad, I couldn't even drive any more. Couldn't feel my feet. Couldn't find the brake. Didn't realize my shoe had come off and was stuck under the pedal. Almost wrapped the Hyundai around ... well, another Hyundai as it it happens. It was only owing to my excellent driving (I've seen Mad Max and The Road Warrior like 40 times each) that I grabbed at the emergency brake and skidded to a stop ... on the median.

 

Anyway, I ended up in the emergency room with a cod sack the size of a watermelon. Apparently, it's pretty common for a dude's scrote to swell up with fluid during an illness especially congestive heart failure because edema is basically the cells hanging on to water because the heart isn't working. It took two weeks for my marble bag to return to its normal proportions and even longer before I could spend more than a few minutes out of bed.

 

Long story short (too late) I've had some pretty major changes to my former "swingin'" bachelor lifestyle. I'm diffuse as a mug. My brain, which was never too good to begin with, ain't working at 100 percent. It's hard to concentrate, read, work, clean or write. If that weren't enough, my neuropathy has gotten much worse. That means I can't feel my feet OR my fingers. And that means typing is a major bitch. I can't feel the keys any more and I type at a fraction of the speed of my prime with 400 percent more errors. In short, my flow is fucked. I'm better off writing on paper now when I can muster the energy, which is not often.

 

Luckily, I can just about manager a hard-on in time to prevent serious injury to the Omaha-Council Bluffs metro area. But my libido is shot as well.

 

Psychologically, I'm stranger than ever. Getting a powerful OCD and social anxiety on top of the chronic depression and anxiety.

 

Then last week, a 27 year old friend of mine killed himself for reasons unknown. He had tons of friends. It was the most crowded funeral I've ever been to. It was and is the most God damnedest shame I've seen in some years.

 

On the bright side, I've got air conditioning, which is nice because it has been hot as balls around here lately.

 

Seacrest OUT!


Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Cop whose ass I kicked in court when I was just 17


Give me a bullshit ticket for snow ties will ya?

New Tat


Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Millennium


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