If you're like me, and I know I am...

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Monday, December 03, 2007


wtf is this shit?

Monday, November 26, 2007

Kenny vs. Spenny: The Worst Show on Television

As I get older, people enjoy telling me I just don't get things any more. "South Park," for example, doesn't amuse me much any more. Swearing kids were cute once upon a time, but the world has moved on. It's one thing to be vulgar and pretentious about a show that says something about anything even if it IS disgusting. There are lessons for those at the top of the heap from those at the bottom of it as well. It's another thing to just be a massive piece of audio visual detritus from the get go.

"Kenny versus Spenny" is just such detritus masquerading as entertainment for a new generation of dullards incapable of perceiving entertainment as anything above the level your run-of-the-mill sociopath might enjoy. It is one small step from watching two grown men try to eat as much meat as possible to torturing animals. Watching grown men try to not get aroused while trying mightily to arouse each other just to win a bet, makes pornography seem operatic. Pornographers once argued for the legitimacy of skank films as art. Their arguments, i retrospect, now seem as intelligent and full of merit as the works of Milton, Willa Cather and Bertrand Russell by comparison.

This program is Idiocracy at its finest.




Saturday, June 23, 2007

Ouch, that's gotta hurt!

Wow, that's gotta hurt. None of the biggies -- at this point -- want anything
to do with the skank, Paris Hilton. Read on folks!
 
I also give it less than 24 hours before someone else snatches her up, though.
This is right up FoxNews' alley.


Building a website is a piece of cake.
Yahoo! Small Business gives you all the tools to get online.

Monday, June 18, 2007

Sorry for using "peccadillo" as well

Here's a little peccadillo of mine. The other day, I used the word obsequious
in a meeting. Of course I got "I don't know what that means.
 
Even from the context, it should have been pretty obvious
that obsequious meant "kissing ass." Mea Culpa, I guess, for not
dumbing things down for the masses. What gets me is how grown people
can shamelessly admit they don't know the meaning of an 8th grade vocab
word that just rolled off my tongue and brain from habit and not some deep-
seated desire to impress others. I actively avoid using big words most times
because people do assume that no one can use "big words" unless they
are faking it for some perverse reason. I guess I secretly like having to come
up with dictionary definitions that the masses can also understand.
 
I made the point once that "irregardless" isn't a real word in the sense
that it is listed in the fuckin' dictionary as an improper form of speech
probably confusing regardless and irrespective. On that occasion I got,
"It is a word.... I use it all the time." Followed by awkward silence.
 
Oh yeah, that's the proof that a word is proper, that lots and lots of dumb
people use it. Like "zesty" and "lite" and "crumbalievable" and "wassup."
 
Dear stupid people of the world, fuck off!
   
 
P.S. Spell check didn't blink at "Zesty" or "Lite" so fuck you too, spell check!


We won't tell. Get more on shows you hate to love
(and love to hate): Yahoo! TV's Guilty Pleasures list.

Saturday, June 16, 2007

Just Desserts: Duke lacrosse prosecutor disbarred

http://www.cnn.com/2007/LAW/06/16/duke.lacrosse.ap/index.html

Good. Now if we can just get rid of that massive hole, Nancy Grace,

the world will be a slightly more just place ... slightly.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

My UFO Story: Mystery at Big Lake

"And I looked, and, behold, a whirlwind came out of the north, a great cloud, and a fire infolding itself, and a brightness was about it, and out of the midst thereof as the color of amber, out of the midst of the fire.

- Ezekiel 1:4

Ezekiel saw the wheel and spoke of it as a mystical vision.

Was Ezekiel's vision a sign from God? Or did it signify something entirely different? Something the prophet was incapable of explaining?

Since the earliest of recorded history, man has seen and reported things that could not be explained. In the sea, on the land and in the sky. The bizarre and unexplained have always been dismissed as myth, vision and fantasy.

The great mountain gorilla was once just a crazy story - not unlike Big Foot or the Loch Ness Monster - told by madmen and savages. It is only in the modern era that gorillas have been accepted as the most common attraction at any municipal zoo.

Mermaids were just manatees, not sea borne lovers as many sailors had hoped. Leviathans and other denizens of the deep have been identified as whales and large squid, nothing more.

Even the Bermuda Triangle is losing its mystery as scientists begin to fathom that its bubbling depths sink ships more often than the devil, aliens and ghosts.

Troy was a myth until it was discovered, what then of Atlantis?

Mysteries give life depth. It is our nature as rational beings to try and solve those mysteries. It is all a part of the great adventure of the mind.

Council Bluffs is not without its own mysteries. One of the greatest unsolved riddles in this sleepy railroad town occurred on Dec. 17, 1977, when Kenny, 17, and Carol Drake, 16, and Carol's brother Randy James, 12, were driving Kenny's Dodge Challenger to the Richman Gordman store on North 16th. According to a Daily Nonpareil story dated Dec. 18 of that year, several witnesses in addition to Drake, saw a bright red object fall from the sky toward Big Lake. When Kenny, Carol and Randy saw the object, they went with great haste toward the lake. On the dike along the road between the lake and the railroad tracks, was a molten "blob" of glowing orange metal. The pool of metal was slowly running down the sides of the dike and was too hot to touch.

According to an article published in the now defunct Omaha Sun on Feb. 9, 1978, Kenny Drake, who is now dead, saw four men about 18 or 19 years old drive by the site in "a tiny foreign car." As they passed the three on the dike, they asked if "they saw that thing fall out of the sky, too?"

The car turned around and drove by the sight again without stopping. This fact would become more relevant later on as the possibility of a hoax was discussed and who, if anyone, might have perpetrated such an act and how.

"It looked like a great big sparkler at first. Then it cooled down and seemed like lava, glowing and bubbling. I thought it was a meteor," said Kenny in the Sun article.

Randy James is still alive and living in Council Bluffs. He said he is not now and never has been "a real UFO buff."

He said that he hasn't really talked about what has been referred to as "The Big Lake Incident" since he spoke to Dick Ulmer for the Sun story in 1978, not for any reason dramatic or suspicious - though Kenny told the Sun that he had purportedly received a call from the United States Air Force insisting that he never mention his sighting again.

"Basically, we were heading down North 16th, and we saw what kind of looked like a ball of fire streaking from the sky. It appeared to come straight down. We saw a flash so you could tell it kind of hit the ground," Randy said. "Maybe it was space junk. We stayed there with the fire department and picked up a couple of pieces. There was a blue crystal in the middle of the pool of metal. When it cooled down a bit, we picked up a piece of the metal about the size of a toothpick and couldn't break it."

The bluish crystalline pieces were not affected by the heat, according to both Randy and Kenny.

At the same time that Kenny, Carol and Randy were driving up North 16th, Mike and Criss Moore were driving east on Broadway. Just as they crossed 16th, they saw what Criss described as "a big round thing hovering in the sky below the tree tops."

"It was hovering. It wasn't moving," Criss told investigators.

Criss also told the Sun she saw "red lights around the perimeter of the object, blinking in sequence."

A middle-aged couple who saw the event and spoke to investigators by telephone, but refused to be identified for fear of ridicule said they saw "a bright red object rocket to the ground near Big Lake."

Former Fire Chief Jack Moore, father of Mike Moore, was called out to the scene where the grass had caught fire and the ground was smoldering. He told the Nonpareil in a story at the time that Kenny told him "something red fell out of the sky to the southeast, hit the ground and exploded in flame."

When he arrived on the scene, Moore said he found a grassy area about four by six feet on a levee off Big Lake to be covered by a mass of molten metal, said the Nonpareil article.

"It was running, boiling down the edges of the levee. The center of it was way too hot to touch," Moore said at the time.

It should be noted that calls were made to Eppley Airfield as well as Offutt Air Force Base by investigators, according to the Sun. They could not explain the phenomenon as an air crash.

Astronomer and Nonpareil Columnist Bob Allen was a secondary witness to the event. He heard about it by the next day, Sunday, and went to take a look at what remained. Overnight, most of the metal had been chipped away, but a few pieces remained.

Allen did several things that would later make the Big Lake incident important to another investigator. The first is that he took a sample of the metal to Griffin Pipe to have the metal analyzed. He also sent a sample to Ames Lab at Iowa State University. Both said the metal was simply high-carbon steel of a very terrestrial origin. Part of it seemed to be slag, the kind of metal used widely in manufacturing.

Allen also sent samples to the Foreign Technologies division of Wright-Patterson Air Force Base and received a letter from Col. Charles H. Senn who confirmed that the object could not have been space-borne because of the lack of an impact crater; could not have been part of a satellite because the metal was too common and space debris does not become molten or glow; the USAF had no interest in the case.

Meteors fall from the sky as stones and even the earliest of space craft were made of light metals with a high alloy content. The molten metal of Big Lake was far too primitive to be a satellite of human manufacture.

Part of an airplane perhaps? Even if the metal had come from an aircraft not noted by Eppley or Offutt, it would not have fallen in a semi-molten state.

All of this leads to one explanation that would satisfy the theory that a hoax had been perpetrated. Remember the four unidentified men in the small car who seemed only vaguely interested in the flash, but not enough to stop?

Perhaps they had planted the metal in its molten form or melted it using Thermite then set off a flare to attract attention but didn't count on the quick reaction time of Kenny, Randy and Carol who would have practically caught them in the act?

This was also right at the time that "Close Encounters of the Third Kind" was in theaters. In fact, Mike and Criss Moore joked about having seen the movie only the night before in the Star article. Perhaps imaginations were running wild and one thing seemed like another.

But in any event, a hoax would have taken a tremendous amount of effort to pull off just for a few laughs. For one thing, molten metal is hard to come by. It can't be transported easily and certainly not in "a small foreign car" with four men in it.

Allen concluded that the use of Thermite to melt the metal at the location would have been extremely unlikely as no local sources of the material were available at the time and considerable amounts of ice should have been present on the ground around the metal had pranksters attempted to cool the metal with water as was indicated by surface structures on the metal itself.

And so we are left with what we began, a mystery.

If the Big Lake incident is a hoax, it is one of the most cleverly perpetrated hoaxes requiring the perpetrator to be simultaneously smart enough to pull off the hoax while being simple-minded enough to be amused by a prank that just as easily could have gone unnoticed. The pranksters would also have had to be willing to spend a great deal of time, energy and money.

In many ways, this incident has not drawn a great deal of attention. It certainly doesn't garner much attention even locally.

The incident did catch the attention of Jacques F. Vallee, noted computer scientist, astronomer, astrophysicist, writer and member of the Society for Scientific Exploration where he has studied unidentified aerial phenomena.

In a report entitled "Physical Analyses in Ten Cases of Unexplained Aerial Objects with Material Samples" presented at the Pocantino Conference in Tarrytown, N.Y., in September 1997, Vallee used what he calls "the Council Bluffs case" along with descriptions of nine other similar events from around the world to describe what he speculates could be part of a liquid metal electrical system in which the high conductivity of liquid metals makes them an attractive means of current collection, according to the author, that could also be a part of a nuclear design for a flying object's power plant using direct energy conversion rather than a heat driven engine such as a plane uses.

Put simply, magnets could move liquid metal inside a "magnetohhydrodynamic" generator instead of gasoline being used to move pistons to create motion. The MHD generator would be quiet and could explain why even base terrestrial metals might be found associated with such a strange phenomenon.

Sadly, we might never know what fell from the sky on Dec. 17, 1977. Bob Allen and Randy James agreed that one explanation has yet to be fully explored. It is possible, according to both men, that what fell to earth that night did land on the levee.

It is possible that what fell to earth actually fell in Big Lake and what ended up on the levee was merely a splash that wouldn't have left a crater.

"Look in the lake," said Allen. "Get your scuba gear on and look in the lake."

Case in Point: Genarlow Wilson


Here's a good example of how the poor get screwed by the legal
system in the United States.
Now granted, this case happened
in Georgia, which is not exactly the United States. Georgia
is well known for its corruption and human rights violations.
It should be illegal for anyone to live in Georgia for no other
reasons than the cops are all violent thugs that make the criminals
look like teddy bears in comparison. Or am I thinking of Louisiana?

Genarlow Wilson was 17 when he was sentenced to 10 years in
prison for getting a consensual humjob from a 15-year-old at a
New Year's Eve party. Why this was EVER a felony in Georgia
is a mystery, but they changed the law to make it a misdemeanor
just two years into this kid's sentence. But the state attorney
general won't let the kid out. A judge ordered the kid released
but the attorney general wants to appeal the decision. He wants to
get the kid to agree to plea guilty to a lesser charge in order to be
released. The kid is fighting it and for good reason. If you are not
guilty, you should not have to say that you are to get released from
the joint, especially when a judge, several of the jurors who convicted
you, President Jimmy Carter and most of the country say you should
be set free and should have been charged with a misdemeanor -- at
most -- in the first place.

Let's be honest, if this kid deserves to be in prison, then so do most
of the people reading this. I did this exact same thing when I was
a 17-year-old. Hell, when you're 17, that's what 15-year-olds are
for. And when you're 15, that's the way you think of 13 and 14-year-olds.
And I hate to tell you what the 11 and 12-year-olds are getting up
to today because it would make you puke.

This is a good case to galvanize the American public though. Wilson
and the Attorney General Baker are both black. This isn't about race,
this is about power, poverty, politics, class and good, old-fashioned
American injustice.

Paris the Hero

I said it myself yesterday while discussing this hideous example
of rich man's justice. Paris is a joke, but her highly publicized
incarceration, moaning, release and re-incarceration is opening
up some eyes to just how bad the poor (which is most of us) have
it in this country. You cannot get equal access to the law unless
you've got duckets. And you will never understand how messed
up the legal system and prison system is in the United States
until you've been victimized by it. This gent says it all very
nicely.


Now, it is unfortunate that I even have to make this clear, but
I'm not soft on crime. I'm just hard on bullshit criminal codes
that will put a 17 year old in jail for 10 years for having consensual
sex with his 15 year old girlfriend while letting rich white assholes
who destroy entire corporations and steal the pensions of hundreds
of employees skate. Leonard Peltier will never get out of prison
for a crime he didn't commit, but Richie Riches can almost kill
with impunity if they promise to go to rehab. Get mad, people.

Monday, June 11, 2007

Oh yes, your tears taste so sweet


In a country where the rich and famous can literally get
away with murder, it is sooooo sweet to see a pain-in-the-ass
rich bitch wastrel like Paris Hilton dragged off in cuffs. Man,
when I heard last Thursday that she skated out of the joint
for some mystery illness, I was mad as hell and telling myself
I knew it would happen like that. But when she was carted off
in cuffs the next day crying, my black grudge-filled
heart nearly sang with glee. I want that pampered slut to
suffer. It's what I wanted for Xmas: just one rich white piece
of shit debutante to pay just a fraction of the price for every
poor fuck who's done time for committing a crime that could
ONLY have been committed by a member of the underclass
in this country.

For stocking stuffers, I want sweet, pretty little Paris traumatized
and humiliated as much as possible during her short, candy-assed
jail stint. I want her horrikfied. I want her to come out changed. I
want her to come out and tell us all how bad it was on the county
fair freakshow circuit. I want hayseeds to throw peanuts and small
rocks at her. I want ignorant reporters to ask, "was the food
bad? Was the cell cold? Were people mean to you?" Because hey, guess
what? That's just The Simple Life on a daily basis for most people.
You know, the kind of people who not only know what a Wal-Mart is,
but who shop there because they fucking have to.

And yet, Paris still gets to keep her hair extensions. Something is telling me
that my dreams just aren't gonna come true this time

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Intelligent Design-ers lack imagination and faith



Let's just assume for the sake of argument that God did indeed create the universe. I'll give you that one just to take it off the table. That fact doesn't mean evolution isn't real. It doesn't mean that The Big Bang is Big BS. God creating the universe doesn't change what real science is all about. What scientists do is observe, test, hypothesize test some more, replicate their findings and then begin to come to some conclusions. Science and religion are only opposites when ignorant people try to keep everyone ignorant. "Intelligent design" attempts to cut science off at the pass by suggesting that we shouldn't look for origins of life anywhere but with God. That is foolish EVEN if we take God creating the universe as a given.

Even the Roman Catholic Church acknowledges evolution. How is this possible? By giving the God that so many people credit with so much omnipotence a little credit. Obviously, Adam and Eve are just fictional characters meant to metaphorically describe creation. God said "Let there be light." Well I'm guessing the Big Bang resulted in a good deal of light. God said "Be fruitful and multiply." Well what can be more fruity and "multiplicitous" than evolution?

You can believe God created the universe and still be a real scientist, but if you count science and God as disparate, then you lack imagination and, I'm sad to say, faith.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Ames DJ finds home in Los Angeles - FYI


Ames DJ finds home in Los Angeles - FYI

Yeah, I know these douche bags. It's really
surprising that Corey (left) would horn in
on a story about Kyle (not left). Anywho,
good to hear you're doing well Kyle. Corey,
you're still a prick!

Sunday, May 20, 2007

The Quality of Mercy


The thing about health care in the United States is that it sucks.
I don't mean it is kind of inconvenient to go to the doctor or
a bit pricey but damn it's great quality health care once you
get past the bullshit. I mean it's ALL bullshit all the time and
I'm really not sure it's all that good either.

You see, medicine is a for-profit business in the United States
and that doesn't guarantee quality. The practice of medicine
began out of genuine compassion, but these days it's about
as compassionate as an assembly line.

I don't mind docs making money. I don't even mind drug
companies making money. What I do mind is greed infecting
every aspect of what should be about compassion and healing.
A lot of things are great until money and greedheads get involved.
Religion for example. Smart-ass folks will say that religion has
caused more bloodshed in this world than anything else. I'm not
so sure that's the case any more. Religion wasn't doing too bad
until money got involved. It's no coincidence that a good deal of
gold was brought back from the Crusades. It's no coincidence that
Conquistadors brought crosses and left with Incan treasures.

Introduce money into any system and it stinks to high heaven.

I got me the diabetes and I really think my doctor is a good guy.
I think he really wants to give me the best possible treatment
options that are out there, but I can't trust the system that provides
the drugs and processes my payments. I go to the office and it feels
like it's more about getting my insurance card info correct, taking my
money and then oops, we forgot to do what you came in here for.

I also don't know how much influence the drug companies have over him.
He might honestly think that the drugs he prescribes me are the
best out there but maybe he's just been unduly influenced by some
slick douchebags with a good rap and some free samples. If the Lantus
guy gives my doc a lot of free insulin to give to his patients who can't
afford to buy the stuff that could easily influence a good man to
prescribe the stuff to me even though I have to pay $70 a bottle for
the shit. My insurance company only saves me $8 per bottle at this
time. And that's just one script. The more I spend on drugs, the less
I have to spend on things like proper nutrition. Fresh vegetables
aren't cheap you know.

And because everything is so freakin' expensive, everyone tries to
get as much dosh out of you, your insurance company and anyone else
stupid enough to get involved in medicine directly or tangentially at
every turn. I appreciate that it costs money to create new medicines,
but when was the last time a drug company came up with a cure for
anything?

Here's something to consider: There's no profit in curing disease. There
is only profit in treating disease. You could waste millions on researching
a cure for diabetes but what would be the corporate points? That would
be like McDonald's inventing a hamburger that guaranteed that you would
never eat another hamburger again. It would work against their primary
purpose, which is NOT to make hamburgers, it IS to make money. Mickey
D's could make mud pies. So long as people bought 'em by the bag full,
they wouldn't give a crap. Cure diabetes and suddenly millions of paying
customers disappear. Better to come up with ways of making people
live with a disease with a variety of symptoms each with its own very
expensive prescription medication. That's where the money is.

Where is the moral imperative to do good works in this world where the
pursuit of profit seems to justify everything from selling crap to starting
wars? Corporations are ruining this country with their mammon worship
and we are not only letting them do it, we are complicit in our own
destruction.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

I believe in miracles, birth just isn't one of them


People often refer to "the miracle of birth." That's a bit over-the-top,
don't you think? Typically, miracles are things that don't happen
hundreds of thousands of times a day, you know? I don't doubt that
having a baby hurts, takes a lot out of you or that it is a monumental
occasion in your life, but it's still not a miracle ... especially where
people are concerned. Even though we mostly give birth to one live
offspring at a time, we have still managed to over-populate the planet
like nothing else. That's impressive, but hey, rats have litters of six and
up. Rats can have several litters a year. Rats can be great-great-great
grandparents before they die in as short as three years time.

Elephants carry their fetuses for over a year. Pandas have a hell of a
time conceiving at all. Whales getting it on, can you imagine what must
go into that?

No, birth is no miracle. It's pretty common. Just walk into any mall
or grocery store in the country and see just how NOT miraculous
birth is. It would be a miracle of some of these mouth-breathers
DIDN'T have kids. And is there a category GREATER than "miracle"
for someone who can actually control their kids? I think so.

Happy Mother's Day, y'all!

See you in hell, Paris!


Perhaps you've heard of this ridiculous petition to free Paris Hilton
from the onerous burden of her 45-day jail sentence for driving
on a suspended license? Don't look for a link to that piece of crap
here (though I signed it "Keep the Bitch") because I'm not enabling
any American retards to subvert justice. I will, however, provide
you with a little commentary and some links to petitions to make
sure L.A. County official do their job and keep that stupid skinny
whore locked up for the entire length of her very short jail sentence.

First, the links:

Jail Paris Hilton

Go Away Paris

Get Rid of Paris Hilton for Good


It's funny how this country can be divided into camps
over some skinny skank who's never done anything positive
with her life. In spite of what her mommy thinks, one cannot
"bring beauty to the world" by making the occasional sex tape,
Fox reality show or trip down the catwalk. In fact, I'd say those
things do the opposite of bring beauty to the world.

The Free Paris Petition starts off saying: “Paris Whitney
Hilton is an American celebrity and socialite."

That alone suggests to me that not only is she guilty, but deserving
of the guillotine.

"She provides hope for young people all over the U.S. and the world."

Hope? You gotta be fuckin' kidding me. I just hope she gets the shit
kicked out of her in the joint so she can't model any more.

"She provides beauty and excitement to (most of) our otherwise
mundane lives.”

Yeah, she really doesn't and if her antics uplift your existence, you've
got more problems than being mundane. You know, I cannot state
it strongly enough that I really hope that Paris Hilton gets the
holy living shit kicked out of her in the joint on a daily basis. It would
really do her some good to know what mundane life is like for the rest
of humanity ... no, scratch that. It would do her some good to know what
life is like for real human beings.

Monday, May 07, 2007

Me and Andy AT THE MOVIES


I really know how this guys feels, for I too have been punched in the guts by Spider-man 3


Gehringer, Andy (CCI-Omaha) [2:17 PM]:
did you see Spiderman yet?

Jerrett, Greg (CCI-Omaha) [2:17 PM]:
yup, disappointed

Jerrett, Greg (CCI-Omaha) [2:18 PM]:
I got up to go three time, this thing had more endings than Return of the King

Gehringer, Andy (CCI-Omaha) [2:18 PM]:
yeah, I was looking forward to seeing Venom on the big screen since I was 12 years old. And that was a serious let down.

Jerrett, Greg (CCI-Omaha) [2:18 PM]:
Topher Grace makes me ill and angry

Gehringer, Andy (CCI-Omaha) [2:19 PM]:
how could you make Venom a whimpy little guy

Jerrett, Greg (CCI-Omaha) [2:20 PM]:
oh and let's make hobgoblin and spidey friends again one last time... and hey thanks butler guy for not sharing that piece of info about my dad whackin' himself two movies back, you jagoff

Jerrett, Greg (CCI-Omaha) [2:20 PM]:
cuz i might NOT have wanted to know that my best friend didn't kill my father

Jerrett, Greg (CCI-Omaha) [2:20 PM]:
I'd also like to punch Kirsten Dunst in that weird face of hers as well

Jerrett, Greg (CCI-Omaha) [2:23 PM]:
I had to pee so I took off during the amazing final dance sequence. pray tell, did I miss anytihing?

Gehringer, Andy (CCI-Omaha) [2:24 PM]:
haha, what was with the Jazz club

Jerrett, Greg (CCI-Omaha) [2:24 PM]:
this turd was so rank, that was my favorite part! especially when PP hit MJ in her weird little face ... she WAS kinda askin' for it

Jerrett, Greg (CCI-Omaha) [2:29 PM]:
say something funny andy so I can use this on my blog

Gehringer, Andy (CCI-Omaha) [2:40 PM]:
There was just too much going on in this Movie. I wanted 15 years to see Venom tear it up on the big screen and Topher didn't cut it. They could of at least gave Venom more than 20 minutes of screen time.

Jerrett, Greg (CCI-Omaha) [3:00 PM]:
yeah and a script that wasn't total shite would have been nice too. *ring ring* "hello, this is Sam
Raimi, I'm just calling to let you know I'll be PHONING IT IN!"

Gehringer, Andy (CCI-Omaha) [3:00 PM]:
hahaha

Phone Monkeys and Other Animals

Coming soon to a theater near you.

Friday, May 04, 2007

Misused, Overused and Abused 8th Grade Vocabulary Words

There are a handful of words that are commonly misused
by most American ... because most Americans are idiots.
Here's brief list.

Facetious
As in: "Stop being facetious" or "he's just being facetious."
This word is used as a synonym for "funny" but facetious means
"ill-timed humor." But even Webster's second definition for "facetious"
lends credence to this deviation. One isn't facetious for telling a joke. One isn't
being facetious for telling a bad joke. One is facetious for telling
a joke - good or bad - at the wrong time. Saying; "Wow, your grandma
sure has big tits" to someone especially at her funeral is facetious because
the circumstances are all wrong. Put the same joke in a movie like
"American Pie" and it gets big laughs. When we make words with subtly
shades of meaning synonyms for the simplest possible terms, then all
words come to represent the simplest possible concepts. We lose the
ability to express complex ideas.

Nectar
As in: "This beer is the nectar of the gods!" Well, yes, isn't just? Every drunk
in the United States has said "nectar of the gods" at one point or another.
This isn't inaccurate so much as it is just redundant hyperbole. It's a cliche
and cliche's said over and over again lose their meaning. The gods on
Mt. Olympus drink nectar and eat ambrosia. These items are really concepts
to describe food and drink so good they are beyond the human capacity
to comprehend. There is no "nectar of the Poles" or "nectar of the Congress."
So nectar is only nectar of the gods. No one ever says "ambrosia of he gods"
do they? Additionally, fruits and vegetables produce nectar and nectar is the
primary component of honey, but these things take their name from the
original and no one is usually referring to fruit juice when they say "nectar
of the gods."

Myriad
This word literally meant 10,000 when the Greeks came up with it, but
soon came to mean "a great number." And it's not a bad word. Kind of
flows gently from between the lips with a sight bounciness and just a hint
of the tip of the tongue at the end for authority. It's fun to say. Which is
probably why every bugger says it way too much especially in the form
"a myriad of ..." That phrasing was popularized by Henry David Thoreau,
but to his credit, he only said it once. Meanwhile, every geek with a chub
on for Greek word uses "myriad of ..." instead of "lots of ..." every chance
they get. Funny turn on this one, the high brow crowd of word-smith
psuedo-intellectuals and grammarian rule mongers disdain the use of
the word myriad as a noun operating under the mistaken assumption
that the word is only properly used as an adjective. These pinheads are
wrong. Myriad is properly used as a noun first and an adjective second.
So not all of these words are corrupted by the lowly.

Plethora
As in just another word for "lots"; used interchangeably with myriad.
"Plethora" is used in the exact same way as "myriad," which is funny
since "plethora" refers to an excess of blood in the body. "Plethora" is
a variety of abundance usually treated with leeches by doctors in the
Middle Ages. The subtle usage of plethora would tend to indicate
something at least vaguely sick, uncomfortable or disquieting. A plethora
of choices is a good thing typically, but a plethora of diseases might be
more accurate. A plethora of choices in the potato chip isle might
connote the right amount of irony for so many unhealthy options.

Cornucopia
Literally, a horn of plenty. Originally a goat's horn filled with fruit and
grain symbolizing plenitude around harvest time. Today, it's mostly a
wicker cone used as a center piece at Thanksgiving. It's overused by
people with a dearth of vocabulary and scant imagination who frequently
precede it with "veritable." The USA Steak Buffet offers a veritable
cornucopia of dishes.
The irony of this is that veritable means that the
thing being described is actually the thing being described and not false or
imaginary. Mostly it's just mental laziness and lack of imagination that
leads folk to say this over and over again. Which leads us to the king
of all overused, misused and abuse terms.

Ironic
Here is a good example of WHY most people misuse ironic from a
junior high school English class web site:

Meaning of ironic (adj.) contradictory; inconsistent; sarcastic.
Example of ironic: Is it not ironic that Americans will toss out leftover
French fries while people around the globe continue to starve?
NO! It is not!

"Ironic" means "given to irony." "Irony" is when words are used to express
the opposite of their literal meaning. This would be a good example of irony:
"Isn't it ironic that someone called 'a teacher' would teach kids the incorrect
definition of 'ironic'?"

This is why we have people running around saying things like "Oh my God,
it's so ironic that I ran into you at the mall."

Thursday, April 26, 2007

No one said it would be funny


I hate it when celebrities make me feel like less of a lefty
than they are. Their money and ample free time makes it
easy to have an expansive social conscience the rest of us
cannot easily afford. Hey, maybe I'm not buying tissues
made of recycled paper, but then maybe I'm not buying
tissues at all. Maybe I'm using leftover fast food napkins
because I'm not only tight but truly willing to sacrifice
a bit of comffort for my planet.

The average person can't buy things like recycled tissues
and super expensive green products. And I really do think
celebs don't get it that mowt Americans can't just opt to
spend twice as much on their basics and still expect to feed
their kids and pay their rent. Fine. Maybe they are a bit out
of touch, but it doesnt excuse it when they make bad jokes
and embarrass the environmental movement with their
silliness.

Recently singer Sheryl Crowe jokingly advocated limiting
toilet paper usage to one square per visit. It wasn't taken
entirely as a joke because this is exactly the kind of "quirky"
BS people expect to hear from celebrities. It's like listening
to Britney Spears make fun of people who think she's
stupid and trashy by "ironically" pretending to be stupid
and trashy. Nobody's gonna get that. It's like making a
joke by pretending to be upset about something that you
are actually kind of upset about. If the the joke is too close
to the truth as other people might see it, then it is a really
bad joke that undermines your point.

Celebrities have a lot of access and therefore a disproportionate
voice to be used however they see fit. Rich people, politicians
and TV pundits do as well. So there are no rules suggesting
anyone is entitled to a greater voice or obligated to no take
advantage of greater access. But use your damn head. If you
jokingly suggest that people should only use one sheet
of toilet paper in the context of making suggestion about
what people should do to protect the earth in a country where
many people still think environmentalists are crying
"the sky is falling" then the misunderstanding is your fault,
not theirs.

All you're doing is giving the crazy hateful right-wingers a
grand opening to attack you, belittle the environmental cause,
and alienate sensible left-wingers who don't want to be associated
with crazy.

Addendum: As I was writing this, an SUV commercial came on
featuring Crowe's song "Every Day is a Winding Road." The main
bragging point in this commercial? The SUV gets 26 mpg. Oh that's
rich. Hypocrisy on top of facetiousness.

Monday, April 23, 2007

Innocent Man #200 Freed by DNA Testing after 26 years in Prison

Jerrry Miller went to prison at 22 for a crime he didn't commit.
Read more about it HERE. Consider my disgust fully registered.
The monumental weaknesses in our criminal justice system are
overshadowed only by the bloodthirsty masses who stand ready
at every opportunity to burn anyone accused of any crime at the
stake of public opinion.

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Medicine Wheel

Click the pic to check out this fairly local archaeological
wonder in Wyoming:

A Few Tips on Getting Around Net Cesorship

Long live freedom of information, expression
and getting whatever the hell you want on the
Internet even if you live in China.

Rod Recommends

Wow, you are TOTALLY gonna burn in hell.

Rod wrote:

Here is a quote from Christopher Hitchens, "monotheistic religion is a
plagiarism of a plagiarism of a hearsay of a hearsay, of an illusion
of an illusion, extending all the way back to a fabrication of a few
nonevents." He has a new book out called:

God Is Not Great: How Religion Poisons Everything

--
Rod

Saturday, April 21, 2007

A Screed Apart

I love this screed from Bob Cesca on HuffPost. Here's a sample:

"Every day we're bombarded from all sides by marketing that
tells us that our bodies aren't ripped enough. Our credit score
is too low, but a Visa card is priceless. We need a bigger car. We
need more chemically polluted foods, then the diet pills to interdict
with the chemicals, then mAore medications to interdict with the
diet pills, then additional meds to give us boners and free-flowing
piss when our organs stop functioning from all of the above. We
need plastic surgery to feel accepted. We need acceptance in order
to be popular on MySpace. We have to redecorate our homes, buy
a souped up chopper, eat brick oven pizza with five varieties of cheese
and we need to display bumper magnets that prove to the dickhead
behind us in traffic that we unequivocally support the troops."

Shocking American Massacre ... really?


From the BBC website in re: the recent Virgina Tech shooting:

"A six-member independent panel - including former
homeland security chief Tom Ridge - will examine how
authorities reacted to the crisis, amid claims officials
ignored warning signs that Cho, who had been admitted
to a mental health unit in late 2005, was a danger."

If only the administration had responded this fast to Katrina.
If only we showed this much compassion for life in other countries.
If only this weren't some thinly veiled political move to demonstrate
compassion.

God forbid I don't jump straight onto the "we are united in grief"
bandwagon every time some freak goes on a shooting spree, but
in a country where having the right to bear arms is considered
sacrosanct above life itself, I think it's hypocritical in the extreme
to constantly search around for someone to blame post-massacre.

Is it really a surprise that Virginal Tech officials didn't have a game
plan in place to cover rampaging psycho killers? Do we really think
that just because an English major sends some annoying text messages
and writes dark, disturbing crap that someone should have caught
this guy BEFORE he killed 32 people? Being "in" the mental health
care system and taking anti-depressants are de rigeur for crappy
writers. Having a couple of professors hate you and not want you
in their class is also not unusual, especially if those professors are
weak-willed lecturers who don't like vigorous argument or weird-
asses.

/I cannot repeat this enough: college creative writing classes/
/are filled with hacks writing about psycho killers ... it would/
/be a red flag if a fiction class didn't have one of these guys in it/

And now we all bow our heads, lower our flags and make a public display
of our shock and grief because quiet dignity is too easy to mistake in a
country where subtlety is appreciated about as much as a healthy meal.
We all want to look "normal" and "good" even if the truth is most of us are
just mimics any way. I mean, pretending to be shocked and grieving is
what good and normal people do after the largest mass killing in American
history -- not counting 9-11 apparently -- isn't it?

We are such phony bastards. If we are going to be bully on guns, innocent
people are going to get killed. The least we can do is not pretend surprise.


Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Nancy Grace is an annoying loud-mouthed unethical bitch



For the best part of a year, CNN rabble-rouser, Nancy Grace,
has gone on a tear over these Duke lacrosse players who were
accused of sexually assaulting an "exotic dancer" or "stripper (yes,
there really is a difference). Grace's job is supposed to be examining
current legal cases, but mostly she just bitches about how much
she hates people who are accused of crimes and talks about how
she'd like to either see them get the death penalty or kill them
herself. Her second favorite activity is blaming everyone in sigt
for not having done something in advance to stop whatever
horrendous and unstoppable horror it is that she's kvetching
about. She loves to make everyone else the Judas goat, man.

So it should come as no surprise that now that the charges
against the lacrosse players have been dropped, she isn't making
much of an effort to apologize. In fact, the very night the charges
were dismissed and it was revealed the stripper made it all up, Grace
had a substitute anchor her show. I'm sure it wouldn't even occur to
her that she was wrong in the first place. After all, these boys were
accused of a crime and isn't that all we really need are some alleged
criminals to hang? Isn't that all a primitive society needs to feel like
something is being done to stop crime? Who cars if that is an injustice
in its own right?

Luckily for Grace, the Virginia Tech shooting took place the very next
day so she can change the subject and go on another tear about how
irresponsible Virginia Tech administrators were for not locking down
the campus in a timely manner or for not detecting the shooter's "obvious"
insanity based on his violent-themed creative writing exercises and few
annoying text messages that are now being deemed as evidence of stalking.

She is the epitome of sensationalistic television presenters (not journalists,
I wouldn't give her that kind of credit) who will say and do anything for ratings.
She needs to go.

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

And I thought WE were fascists


Most people know by now that England is covered in CCTV
cameras that capture everything from suspected bombers
to litterers. Now the Brits have taken the 1984 paradigm
one step further by adding loudspeakers to the mix so anyone
starting a fight or even just littering can be admonished,
instructed and even thanked for conforming.

Read the story here.

It's tempting. I'm sure people feel safer in the downtown areas,
but Jesus is this really the answer? You can get on board with
stopping crime because that's how all this stuff always starts.
But "anti-social" behavior? That could mean just about anything...
and ultimately will.

Where I've Been (or God this boil hurts)

I've gotten a couple of emails wondering why haven't posted
in a while. Long story short, I was in the hospital for about a week
because a boil in my thigh turned septic and really fucked me up.

Yeah, my doctor pretty much said it was the biggest abscess of its
kind he'd ever seen. Fourteen centimeters across and Lord knows
how deep. I had to go the emergency room and have a surgeon hack
on me. God damn bed looked like someone had a baby in it. I swear
to God I've never seen that much blood anywhere. The next day,
a pus bag the size of a baseball burst while I was on the toilet. It hurt
a good deal, but mostly I heard it. Sounded and smelled like someone
dumped a can of Chunky Cream of Veterinarian's Office Soup on the floor.
The pus was worse than the blood.

The best part of the experience ... besides knowing that I fought death ...
was the drugs. Jesus Christ. I had morphine and dilaudid, a hydromorphone
that just knocks you on your ass. It's like a warm bath for your mind. They'd
give me a shot of this stuff and a wave of pleasure would just wash over you
while you nodded out riding the fine line between waking and dreaming.
Morphine kind of sucks. I had the drip with the button so I could give
myself a bump every 20 minutes and it was just a dark. Kind of a rough
high that wasn't much fun or even that much pain relief.

After five days of being confined to a hospital bed, pissing in a jug and
watching basic cable, I was ready to get the fuck out. Now I'm homebound.
I've got nurses coming by to change my bandage and unpack the gash in my leg
and repack it. I'm bored as shit, but at least I don't have people waking me
up at 5 a.m. to do blood cultures, check my vitals and ask why I didn't go
to the doctor sooner. Oh I don't know. Because I'm not a pussy. I hate doctors
and hospitals and IVs and stupid questions and massive bills.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Get educated, then get out and vote

DontVote.org

Check out this site. It encourages people
to vote, but ONLY after they've gotten
educated.

I got a B on their little test. A couple of my
correct answers were just good guesses, too. I think
I need to watch the news a little more often.

Saturday, March 10, 2007

Vermont Votes to Impeach Bush/Cheney ... CAN YOU DIG IT?!

From The Nation: [click here]

The Middlebury, VT resolution to impeach President Bush says:

We the people have the power -- and the responsibility -- to remove executives who transgress not just the law, but the rule of law.

The oaths that the President and Vice President take binds them to "preserve, protect, and defend the Constitution of the United States." The failure to do so forms a sound basis for articles of impeachment.

The President and Vice President have failed to "preserve, protect and defend the Constitution" in the following ways:

1. They have manipulated intelligence and misled the country to justify an immoral, unjust, and unnecessary preemptive war in Iraq.

2. They have directed the government to engage in domestic spying without warrants, in direct contravention of U.S. law.

3. They have conspired to commit the torture of prisoners, in violation of the Federal Torture Act and the Geneva Convention.

4. They have ordered the indefinite detention without legal counsel, without charges and without the opportunity to appear before a civil judicial officer to challenge the detention -- all in violation of U.S. law and the Bill of Rights.

When strong evidence exists of the most serious crimes, we must use impeachment -- or lose the ability of the legislative branch to compel the executive branch to obey the law.

See, math isn't that hard


Math isn't that hard.

Sunday, February 25, 2007

These Chimps Will Flippin' Kill Us All!


According to a BBC story last week, anthropologists
have have spotted chimpanzees making and using spears (in
spite of what we learned in Planet of the Apes, chimps are
NOT pacifists). These little bastards aren't just using sticks
to beat other monkeys either. They are doing what you
or I would do if we were stuck in the woods with no other
tools. They are choosing decent live branches, stripping
off the bark and sharpening the ends with their teeth. Then
they are going after bushbabies, stabbing them and extracting
them from their hiding places. Watch out mankind, there is
a new kid on the block.

Jill Pruetz, assistant professor of anthropology at Iowa
State University (my alma mater) told the BBC that these
observations, "could have implications for human evolution."
Not in Kansas, of course, since human evolution doesn't exist
there in any recognizable form, but think of the possibilities
for those of us who aren't stuck in the 1930's. We are truly
not alone any more and we didn't have to find aliens to
prove it.

Geeks Like Us



Hi. My name is Greg and ... I'm a gamer [sobs].

Of course, when I say gamer I mean it in the 1983 sense
of the term which is "I play D&D" not the current sense
which means "I play World of Warcraft."

Here is a great story on the BBC web site about D&D
over the years with comments from geeks like us on
how they did it (chortling all the way), where they
did it (in other people's basements) and why they did
it (it was freakin' fun).

I remember hearing about D&D from Mike Kinney, this
kid in my reading class when I was in 7th grade. I had
just finished reading "The Hobbit" and was stoked. He
asked me if I'd be interested in playing a game that let
you act out the things in "The Hobbit." Hell's yeah, was
my answer. He let me borrow his books (the ones you
see here) and I browsed through them. To be h0nest,
I've NEVER read them cover to cover. The game has
a lot of detail to it, but the basics are actually pretty
simple. No, I liked looking at the primitive artwork that
really seemed to fire up my imagination more than really
professional fantasy artwork could at the time. I mean,
seriously, look at these pics. They look like a really talented
12-year-old did them. It's great.



For me, D&D was always something played in other people's
basements. Basements with finished walls and carpet. Basements
with rising damp and piled with crap. Basements where a
kid could be a hero by rolling some funny dice. We never drank
when we played. We had pop and chips, occasionally pizza, but
for us, D&D was a wholesome good time. It cracked us the hell
up that certain religious types thought we were putting our
immortal souls in danger. I blame that mostly on Gary Gygax
for having a weird name and putting demons on two of his
game book covers.

D&D rocks and while it may not be as popular as it once was, it
is still better than the competition (video games, card games and
WOW).

NPR stories about D&D


Thursday, February 22, 2007

Stop the War ... BEFORE it starts this time

I sent some comments to the White House today
as part of a larger effort on the part of General
Wesley Clark to encourage our Commander in Chimp
to give up on his seemingly inevitable march toward
war with Iran. You can add your comments as well
at Stopiranwar.com

Just in case you are too chickenshit to send a comment
yourself, but you still want to see what a response from the
White House looks like. Here it is:

On behalf of President Bush, thank you for your
correspondence. We appreciate hearing your views
and welcome your suggestions.

The President is committed to continuing our
economic progress, defending our freedom, and
upholding our Nation's deepest values.

Due to the large volume of e-mail received, the
White House cannot respond to every message.
Please visit the White House website for the
most up-to-date information on Presidential
initiatives, current events, and topics of
interest to you.

In order to better receive comments from the
public, a new system has been implemented.
In the future please send your comments to
comments@whitehouse.gov.

Thank you again for taking the time to write.

Ready to do Ollies, I think


My new shoes. Pretty cool, hunh? My God
those skateboarders know comfortable shoes.
These Airwalk "Flip Tech" Skate shoes were half
off at Payless. That really surprised me because
I thought they only sold shit. Apparently, they
are selling name brands now and I gots NOOO
problem paying half price for cool shoes. Now if
I can just figure out how to lace them up properly.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Am I a believer? I'm not a NON-believer


I moved recently and have been without cable for a few weeks.
This is not the hardship you think it is. Whenever I have cable,
I collect as many UFO documentaries as I can. But I don't usually
get to watch them all until I have nothing else to watch ... and
then I really cherish them. Some people think it's crazy to believe
that maybe there are extraterrestrials visiting the Earth, abducting
folk or buzzing Mexico City. Frankly, I think you're nuts if you
believe it isn't possible, you crazy son of a bitch.

Now, I'm not saying I believe every story out there. Some are just
incredible bullshit. And there are weird asses who will believe in
anything and promulgate nonsense. But there are also some really
smart people who believe we need to keep an open mind. So I'll be
damned if I'll discount everything I've heard and seen (on video) just
because it's far-fetched and -- let's be honest -- frightening. The universe,
time and space, are way too immense to rule out anything just because
our primitive monkey brains can't grok it yet.

Friday, February 16, 2007

Romulus and Remus

Sunday, February 11, 2007

Kids Say the Stupidest Shit

Kids always think their parents are perfectly
matched. It's sad really though understandable.
To a kid, his parents are his world. From the
time he is conceived until true self awareness,
he can't even be expected to see the world as
anything but what his parents have created
with themselves at the center. Even if they
struggle, it seems natural and ideal.

Case in point, my buddy's kid said something
the other day to the effect of "I think that's why
you and dad work so well together." I was all
like, "You think your parents work well together?"
You be the judge. He works, she spends. They
didn't speak the same language when they met
and they still don't communicate well. She wants
to move to L.A. and he wants to stay in his home
town if at all possible. She is lazy and laid back, he
is a hard-ass control freak. They are both narcissistic.

Don't get me wrong, I love 'em to death, but they are
far from perfect. And I'm holding a lot of things back
on this one because they come here once in a blue
moon.

No couple is perfect. Most don't work that well. If they
work at all, it's enough. I don't work in relationships
myself, but then I can't stand people. Women are people,
QED I can't stand women. I'm not a misogynist per se,
I just can't stand anyone who thinks their mission
vis a vis me is to light a fire under me and remake me
into someone useful to them by means of mind control
and gamesmanship.

Take my last "girlfriend" for example. She was supposed
to come over to my house the day after Xmas and she never
showed. She didn't answer her cell phone. I called exactly
three times to see what was up and that was it. I didn't
e-mail or try back another day. I called once to tell her
I was ready for her to come down. Then twice more to see
where the hell she was at. I didn't look back. Three weeks
latter I get this phone call, we make up and arrange to
meet the next day. Again she's a no show. I called ONCE.
She wanted me to call her and whine like a puppy to get
her "to be with me." Fuck that noise. I didn't even explain
that no way in hell was I gonna play a game with someone
who should have been on her best behavior after blowing
me off for three weeks on a no show. Then she has the
nerve to expect me to say things like "baby, I miss you, please
come be with me."

Long story short if you can't play THAT game, you aren't gonna
last in a relationship.

Everybody Knows

As a mixed race half-breed mutt American, the only thing I find more annoying than self-entitled white people complaining about minorities taking his stuff is listening to everyone else bag on whitey for being racist like every other race on the planet is somehow more enlightened and better behaved.

Well, it just ain't so. Everybody is a racist. Blacks, Mexican, Arabs, Asians. I've got a Korean friend who hates Mexicans but any time a well-meaning white store clerk tries but fails to understand her thick accent, he or she is a "lacist."

God forbid a white person say "you people" instead of the race neutral "y'all" or some lengthy legalistic and well-prefaced preamble indemnifying them against any past, present and future accusations of racism. I contend that no other group of people on this planet do more to try and NOT be racist than white people and it's that that gets them into more trouble than anything.
I know because some of my best friends are white. I know because there is a fine line between my best buddy calling me a big ***** bastard and some random guy in a classroom setting making a stereotypical racist joke about "my people."

Is there really ANYTHING that white people can say about Obama that WON'T sound racist? It's perfectly legitimate to talk about his race as a factor in this election because, and get this, it IS a factor in this election. I think a lot of white liberals are going to vote for him because he's black. And I don't think the media is going to ignore his race though some outlets are going to look foolish trying to pretend that they can while others are going to pretend they aren't racist while using race bating to bash Obama because he's a democrat with a good shot at becoming president.

If Obama does win, I hope he declares a national day of "Chill the Hell Out" in which can all just walk around noticing each other's differences, say outrageous things and stop trying to not notice the very noticeable.

Saturday, February 10, 2007



Friday, February 09, 2007

R.I.P. Skank


Anna Nicole Smith, doing what she did best: posing while high
or as most of us know it: NOTHING

And now, the only thing that could possibly knock
a diaper-wearing astro stalker off the front page:
a dead skank.

That's right, I said it. Anna Nicole Smith was a
skank when she was alive and now that she's dead
it doesn't make her charming or America's sweetheart.
It makes her a dead skank. Reading through CNN's email
responses from the mouth-breathers of America, you
would think that Smith had somehow enriched our lives.
Well call me an old prude but I don't see how any
gold-digging hussy whose only claim to fame was public
notoriety for marrying an ancient millionaire could
enrich anything but tabloid sales.



It's sad in the lower case sense when anyone dies, but
you know what? Millions of people die on this planet
every day, week, month and year. The vast majority
of us will NEVER be known by more than a handful of
our fellow humans for the lives we lead. Some of us
do charity work or take care of our families. This dead
floozy doesn't deserve our public displays of mourning,
TV time or headlines in any respectable news source.