What I got?

It's Dennis Hopper in Waterword, B!  

Love is ...

... what I got. I said remember that!

In the 70s, there was this movie called "Three Days of the Condor" with Robert Redford. It was about a CIA agent whose buddies are all wiped out while he's out getting lunch or something. Turns out they accidentally deciphered something the hard-core spooks were afraid they'd understand. Most of the movie is a blur, but near the end, there was an exchange between Redford and the head spook that was supposed to explain why our government might want to control events of all kinds. Primarily it comes down to limited resources. Stuff is running out and just now the third world is starting to want the kind of comforts we have. Dwindling resources meets exploding demand.

Whether or not the last war was about oil, the next one will be. It isn't an option that we will all just switch to electric cars when the oil runs out, you know. Everything in this world runs on fossil fuels. That includes combines, y'all.

It's Mad Max time and I for one say, It's about damn time! I think I could really make my mark if I could kill whoever I wanted. So sign up now to join my crew and we can cruise up and down the Missouri like Dennis Hopper in Waterworld.

Cruel to be kind?

OhmyGOD I'm a cruel whore! 

The latest slew of reality shows have been tickling my fancy. Such programs as "The $25 Million Hoax" and "My Big, Fat Obnoxious Boss" aren't exactly Emmy winners and they have even less "reality" than most reality shows. But they are fun nonetheless because they test just how cruel apparently decent people can be to their own loved ones, how greedy and how gullible they can be.

On "Boss," the contestants are all so stupid they actually believe the fake billionaire they are scrambling for is in possession of Excalibur ... the sword of King Arthur. They scramble and backstab, lie and cheat to make money on the streets of Chicago for a job with a billionaire they've never heard of but whose ass they kiss nevertheless .... and they think Excalibur is real AND that some dickhead in Chicago owns it?

Meanwhile, a small town girl who really loves her parents and siblings is torturing them as she spends $5 million dollars all on herself right in front of them, taunting them. Occasionally, she cries, but the producers remind her that they will all win $500,000 for real.

Now my family has an understanding that should we ever be placed in the morally perilous position of hurting each other for money, we are to do it with complete malice of forethought knowing that money heals all later so long as we get a cut.

 

I'm not normally a perv, but I came across this photo of Mariska Hargitay of "Law&Order SVU" and just had to share it with you. I justify my exploitation of her thusly. One, she posed for this and you can read why if you click on it. Two, she's "mature" and, three, my attraction to her isn't simply 'cause "she's hot" in the conventional horn-dog sense, it's because she has a strength about her, an austerity. And a sweet ass, but it's OK that I dig her because she's not an 18 year old centerfold bimbo.

A letter to my artist buddy about his dark works

I guess I never noticed just how unsophisticated some of these little fuckers were. I am particularly made ill by the editorial in today's opinion section that claims having the Olympics in Beijing will somehow improve human rights in China. Apparently, these little pischers are unfamiliar with a gentleman named Adolf Hitler and a little known country called Germany that hosted the Olympics in 1938 and yet still somehow managed to conjure up a holocaust. That is right up there with their contention that banning cell phones while driving was bad when the ban was only on talking on your cell phone while driving.

What a bunch of turd burglars.

You must get out of there my brother before Andrea and Michelle decide to replace you with some 19-year-old girl who draws pictures of ponies and rainbows crying with the words "Beijing 2008" written underneath. You should flee before you get sucked up Hauser's coozy with the rest of the pathetic gynocentric, psuedo feminist crackers in the newsroom. Do it before they force you to wear a dress and gratify ***** in unholy ways only William S. Burroughs could conjure up.

I don't know how anyone could be as stupid as Hauser and then think that anyone who finds her stupid does so because they are not down with "strong women" like her. Her kind makes me violently ill because they are beyond redemption. No amount of rational discourse, convincing or clubbing can make these human moles see the light. They could have stood behind the Buddha and looked down their noses at him.

Friend, by the black lamps of the Lord, don't let these brightly lit bastards convince you it will. They will say "why can't you draw something nice, why cant you make your point without being so gross or insulting." SCREW THEM! They don't get it and they never will. YOU ARE SUBLIME!

The world will be destroyed by the empty-headed tyranny of the nice as sure as I love cheese, those people who smile while laying off 500 people, they are the people who try to "pump you up." These were the people who told all those black guys down in the south to not push so hard for human dignity, just be patient, they said while their daddies and uncles were lynched in the swamps. Just give it some time, just die a little while longer, just let white people kill you and subjugate you for a few more decades or centuries, just suffer the rapes and murder and oppression a little while longer just to keep the world nice for us.

Some things are sick and should be drawn that way. Doing a nice drawing of something evil is an affront to God. God has a strong stomach and can take anything. He killed every man woman and child on the face of the planet except for a boatload of Jews and their zoo. He can take a nasty picture or two I think. Cleanliness has little to do with godliness, I think, especially when it comes to a clean mind. God is beyond clean and filthy. God, if he is anything, has to be the TRUTH, in all caps, and the TRUTH can be as foul as a pig sty. So shove the foul and dark in their faces and don't apologize.

Make no mistake, the armies of darkness look like your high school pep squad, they are Satan's glee club. True evil is as pure as innocence and the godly who are filled with the spirit know this to be true. They are judged mad by the cloying masses of "good Christian folk" who are just into it for the occasional temptation, for the security of knowing they can fuck up and still get the big present at the end.

Dull, brown and grey

You like to think about the past like there was something in it that you let slip away, that if you had only stepped up, you coulda or woulda and that's crap. Sentimental, melancholy crap. The truth is you do that so can wallow in the past and pretend there is something worth regretting. The truth is worse because the truth is there was never anything there to begin with. You missed nothing and that means that not only is there no potential, there never was.

This life is not a story of hope. If you are lucky, it is a story about promise unfulfilled. More than likely it's just short, miserable and sorry.

Under pressure. Or not.

Today, my nurse takes my blood pressure because I stopped taking my Altace, blood pressure meds, about three months ago when my insurance ran out. She tells me that not only is my blood pressure OK, it's better than hers and she's pregnant. Then she wonders why I'm on Coreg. "For my heart." That's all anyone ever said to me. "It's for your heart" or "it's a gamma blocker." Oh that's nice. Nurse tells me it is usually only taken by old people. So all these drugs might have been doing more harm than good as far as I know.

POP ... goes the weasel

When I was a kid, I was so ashamed of my own disobedient genitals that I used to rack myself whenever I got a boner in a sad attempt at self-managed penance. But then who didn't, am I right? People? Come on, who's with me?
Oh sure, Catholics may be fucked up, but try growing up in the sticks in the years before cable with parents who don't like to explain things.

America ... FUCK YEAH!

I don't know whether Trey Parker and Matt Stone are complete tools, geniuses or some weird hybrid of the two but ... "Team America: World Police" is not only a funny film in the crudest possible sense, but it also makes some pretty good points ... as crudely as they can. If you haven't seen it, give it a try. It has the funniest marionette fight scene ever conceived, a theme song that sums up American arrogance and attitudes in three words (see title of post) and hot puppet sex that had me laughing so hard I feared the end was near.

The thing with Stone and Parker, the creators of "South Park," is that they apparently find everyone equally annoying and worthy of target. That's cool, most people deserve it, but it seems to me that if one finds Americans arrogant, then one can hardly blame others for finding Americans arrogant, can they? And if celebrities are assholes for using their celebrity to make political points, then what are Parker and Stone? What I do like is that they repeatedly see that the truth is somewhere in the middle of extremes. Ultimately, the message of "Team America" is that sure, America can be a dick of a country sometimes, but that's OK, because we beat the hell out of the real bad guys sometimes. It's like they are bright 14-year-olds.  

I want to join this exciting NeoCon movement

I just want to say to all the punk ass causes I've ever given a shit about that you can go fuck yourself now. I want to be a neocon. First of all, what a cool name. NeoCon ... it's just like the Matrix or some shit. Secondly, a NeoCon is what a liberal becomes when he turns to the Dark Side. Disappointed by crushing political defeats year after year as well as the wall of overwhelming apathy that seems to squeeze the life out of everything day in and day out, evil starts to seem just like a good way to get things done.

Nobody wants peace? Fuck it, let's go to war. I'm the sickest dude out here in the sickest country since Macedonia, let's throw down.

You don't want to embrace liberty, freedom, capitalism and the American Way? Go to hell Poncho, Sahib, Abdul ... whatever your fucking name is. Get ready to be the smallest fucking protectorate in the US of fuckin' A's collection of shitty thrid world hell hole islands. If you thought the Marshall Islands were pathetic, wait til you see what we do with Iraq.

Why not. Maybe Jesus wants us all to kill in his name and fuck the poor. I know which end of a good ass fucking I'd rather be on.

Sack up you ball-less lefties... damn

I think the Dems have a serious problem of trying to suck up to the center in the belief that American politics is some sort of tug of war. Well I guess it is because the Dems don't own the left. They should just come out of the god damn closet and say you better believe we're liberals and guess what? America is liberal country ... look around Chuck. Americans believe in civil liberty, they just need to be reminded of that sometimes.

Is there anyone who thinks in retrospect that the civil rights movement was a bad idea? No, but at the time, social conservatives were ranting that change was a bad thing, that the blacks needed to wait and sicking German shepherds on kids while shouting "go back to your own part of town, spades!"

Fuck all that. The Democratic Party might be as dead as Bobby Kennedy and for the same damn reason.

Read this and make of it what you will

The mind is its own place, and in it self
Can make a Heav'n of Hell, a Hell of Heav'n.
What matter where, if I be still the same,
And what I should be, all but less then hee
Whom Thunder hath made greater? Here at least
We shall be free; th' Almighty hath not built
Here for his envy, will not drive us hence:
Here we may reign secure, and in my choyce
To reign is worth ambition though in Hell:
Better to reign in Hell, then serve in Heav'n.

- John Milton, Paradise Lost

I'm moving to Canada... I swear to God

I'm so fucking depressed today I can barely give a shit about the fact that I no longer give a shit ... about anything.

What is the freakin' deal with Americans, anyway? I mean seriously. Is anyone better off today than they were four years ago? I didn't think so. So why the hell are they voting for this DOUCHEBAG? I never thought I'd miss voter fraud, I really didn't.

Oh well, let's get our war on for serious now, y'all!