New study shows new studies make news FIRST WED COLUMN 3.26.02

A recent study at the University of California-San Francisco suggests that low cholesterol levels can aid brain functions. A study of 1,037 post-menopausal women showed that cognitive problems were twice as likely subjects with high cholesterol as opposed to those with low cholesterol.
Yeah, that's helpful. This is practically meaningless since cholesterol levels, by being controlled at least partially by lifestyle choices, could also reflect any number of other factors like education, socio-economic status, religious restrictions, cultural preferences. By being partially innate, cholesterol levels can be affected by race, gender and genetics.
The next step will be for someone to begin production on a slew of cholesterol reducing products and exercise machines.
The point is, we are constantly bombarded with claims. Some have merit and some don't. How do you tell the difference? Claims with little merit sound about as reasonable as those with a great deal.
These claims seem like they want a better, healthier America, but I am doubtful. The goal seems to be feeding the health, exercise and diet industries while keeping the average American in good enough working order to be productive. Not creative, happy or satisfied, just productive.
When it comes to our health, Americans tend to fall deftly into two categories: those who are hooked on fitness and those who avoid it with a religious fervor. Sometimes we venture from one category to the other and then come right back.
We all know where we stand on the issue at any given time and as with most things, we can lie to everyone else, but lying to ourselves is just foolish.
My family and I fall more into the second category. Having abandoned the notions of self-fulfillment sometime in the 1870s, we turned to fat as a substitute.
Taken from my family crest and translated from the Latin is our credo, "If it is meat, we'll eat it; if it can be breaded, we'll bread it; if it can be fried, we will fry it."
It is our right as Americans to fry foods in the medium of our choice. My old man once fried polish sausages in butter. I said nothing and for just a second, I wondered if it was any good.
I certainly wouldn't ask why he would fry sausage in butter. I know the answer. You can't find lard in stores any more.
I'm obviously no health maven. I like a good cheeseburger now and again and pizza was a staple in college, which lasted for nearly three decades.
I would like to be healthier. I would like to LIKE to eat more vegetables. I would be happy to be HAPPY to exercise and reduce fat intake as would many. That is the hope and dream of the health and diet industries that are worth billions in the United States. And probably Canada, too.
Fads abound from low-carb diet books to spinning classes to Tae-Bo videos.
My favorite fads are less obvious and usually come from various industries not normally associated with health care that offer reasonable suggestions on lifestyles choices that could theoretically make your life wonderful.
Wine is a good one. A few years ago, stories began to circulate about the health benefits of wine. It contains anti-oxydants, which keep you young. Wine reduces stress or at least the alcohol in it does. It works in Europe doesn't it?
The message was clear, drink a glass of wine a day America and live longer. What a crock.
Europeans, at least the ones on the continent, are thin, attractive and in much better shape than Americans and it has precious little to do with wine.
Europeans smoke like chimneys, have access to all the more popular party drugs and have little to no concept of alcoholism because drinking is part of the lifestyle.
Europeans don't live longer because of a glass of wine a day, they live longer because they mostly do not care about working. Most of them take siestas every day, month-long vacations and if they lose their jobs they all know where to go to get public assistance.
This combined with a hatred of processed foods, a love of all things high quality, freshly picked and served and few hang ups in general is what make makes the average chain-smoking Frenchman happy and healthy.
Stress is for suckers and we eat it up in this country. Life is stress. Tell that to an Italian postal worker who averages four hours of work a day or the Spaniard after his afternoon nap.
Stress is a killer. Quick fixes do nothing. Looking for the next pill or simple exercise is futile.
Fresh veggies, a little walking and some quality living will do more for good health than all the fads combined. If it's processed, forget it. If it has more preservatives than actual food, toss it. If sugar is one of the top four ingredients, leave it on the shelf. Figure out how to be happy, laugh and learn to love yourself as well as others and you will do wonders for your health.
And all of this costs exactly nothing ... unless you start buying self-help books, but that is a subject for another day.
-Greg Jerrett is a Nonpareil staff writer whose column can be read on Wednesdays and Saturdays. He may be contacted at 328-1811 ext. 279 or by e-mail at gjerrett@nonpareilonline.com.