Local balding man shaves 'for charity'

'I'm doing it for the children ... really,' says man

FREDERICK, Md – Simon Webb, 356 Crabcake Ln. #B, shaved the last six strands of his hair Friday deciding that it needed to be done for the good of sick children. Webb donated the 10-inch strands to Locks of Love, a charitable organization that makes wigs for sick, bald children.
"I thought if I am going to take this drastic step, you know, actually shave myself bald, bald for the first time in me life and make this great big vastly different lifestyle choice that is so very much the opposite of what I used to look like then as a good Christian, I had better #uckin' do it for the kiddies, yeah? I mean, it stands to reason, right? Some little girl is going to have a magnificent wig is all I've got to say."
"He really didn't have much to make a wig FROM," said Julie Darter, president and founder of Locks of Love. "He insisted that he would donate his 'glorious mane' to needy orphan children. It was kind of creepy because while the 'lock' of hair WAS 10 inches long, it was still barely visible to the naked eye. It was like a little red rubber band all twisted up with a little hair in it. It was the most effed up thing I've ever seen."
With a single gleaming tear in his eye, Webb handed over his Lock of Love to Garter who accepted it in a public ceremony at Crowne Point Mall.
"I figured if I didn't accept it, he would keep trying to give it to me and I just wanted this whole thing to be over with as soon as possible," Darter said.
"Does this look like I might have hair if I let it grow out, d'ya'reckon," Webb asked onlookers."I mean, I know I've got no hair and YOU know I've got no hair, but do you think the birds will notice?"