Crimbo Limbo

Christmas time is here (cue the music), but you'd hardly know it

looking around my gaff. First off, I don't have one decoration let

alone a tree. I bought some "Santa Claus is Coming to Town"

ornaments a few years back, but I haven't dug them out since

the first year. I just don't feel like Christmas, man. It's nearly

60 out most days. I haven't worn a coat once this year. I haven't

bought any presents. I haven't seen any snow. But more significant

than all of that is that I just don't have the vibe. I've got eight days

left to get into the spirit and at this point, I'd have to start main-lining

Christmas specials to feel anything by the big day.

Suffice it to say I'm loathing the very idea of shopping at this point.

It's not the spending I mind or even the effort so much. I like to buy

people things they would like. That makes me happy-ish. I just hate

the throngs of people running about like a bunch of God damned

animals with credit cards. Luckily for me, the crowds aren't quite as

bad at bookstores because there is still this kind of library aura

around even the corporate stores which makes people shut the hell

up and slow down a little. Not the kids of course, but then bookstores

mostly don't interest the same kids who find mall crawling around

Target of interest.

I'm really kicking myself for missing the online buying express this

year. If I'd just sat down in front of Amazon this year as in year's

past, I would have had everything mailed out to me a week ago.

Now I'm screwed.

I like to actually put some thought into a present. Nothing more

disappointing than getting a present that it looks like someone

just picked it off the shelf at WalMart just so they could cross

you off the list and get you out of the way so they could get to

shopping for someone they actually give a shit about. This year,

I might just give everyone a delicious and pricey bottle of

Romulo olive oil infused with garlic. Dude, it's so good, you'd freak.

You just pour some out into a dish and sop it up with bread and

you just can't stop eating the stuff. It's liquid gold. Maybe not

a huge bundle of cash outlay, but at least I know they like it.

Maybe I should just buy everyone some meat. I know they like

meat. I wonder how much a half of beef is? Then everyone could

just go pick up a roast or some t-bones whenever they feel like it

and think fondly every time they cut into one, "What a nice gift."