Star Wars fans, your taste is in your ass!

One is often confronted these days by deluded Star Wars fans
who insist on telling me how fucking good Episode III really was.
REALLY? Then why is it that I have this terrible aftertaste of SUCK
in my mouth?

Last night, I had this intellectual discussion with a classmate of mine
who not only thought III was great but that he actually liked all six
Star Wars flicks equally. Now, how in the fuck can you have a
reasonable conversation with someone like that? Star Wars and Empire
were clearly superior to every other movie in the series and for very
clearly established reasons: great scripts, direction and decent acting.
And NO MUPPETS ... besides Yoda was really more of a brilliantly
articulated puppet than a fucking muppet cackling like Animal from
some deleted scene from The Muppets take Manhattan.

I don't mind so much if people like shit, but they so seldomly will admit
that what they like is shit and they insist on convincing you that it ISN'T
shit as well.

90 percent of EVERYTHING is shit and just because you like it doesn't
mean it's good, fuck-o. I like Night of he Comet, a mid-80s B science
fiction flick starring a bunch of no names running around from Zombies.
It's awful AND I like it. Summer School starring Mark Harmon is also
one of those crappy movies I just love. See? No psychic disconnect,
no mental trauma, just the plain God's honest truth: some things we
like even though they aren't high quality.

But try convincing most people that their taste is in their ass and they
get offended. Like it's my fault they think Taco Bell is Mexican let alone
GOOD Mexican. MacDonald's is bad for you but people still eat it. Richie
Rich comics suck ass, but if I'm on a roadtrip I like them.

My whole thing is that if I am arguing on the basis of certain well established
principles of film criticism (direction, script, acting, editing) that a movie
is just not very good, don't come back at me with THE FIGHT SCENES
WERE AWESOME! Especially if the fight scenes were definitely NOT
awesome, but were in fact quite boring and unsatisfying.

If the acting is done in front of green screens and feels like it, then the
movie loses points.

If decent actors give lackluster performances, then the director fucked up.

If Padme says, "Hold me, Ani, like you did by the lake on Naboo." Then the writing
is just shit.

If the action doesn't even jazz me, then there is something wrong with it.

If there is more shit flying at the screen in the first five minutes of a Star Wars
movie than there was in Saving Private Ryan, the idea of a space battle has been
lost ... check out Battlestar Galactica some time bitch.

If the director himself says he isn't a very good director and doesn't like directing,
then chances are he isn't going to put much into it and should turn it over to someone
who gives a shit.

If you are the Sith Lord emperor of a system of government spanning the galaxy.
You JUST OVERTHREW the old government and Yoda is coming to kick your ass,
you might want more than two guards on the door to your office.

If your Yoda and you're going to kick the ass of the Sith Lord who just overthrew your
government, you might want to bring at least ONE other guy to help you take him down.