Gold Bless Corporate America

I live in America. At least I'm supposed to live America. Recently I realized that the name of my country had been changed to Corporate America. Corporate American is much more democratic it seems, but because any fucking idiot can get ahead here. In Corporate America, idiots can get ahead and they can make sure that no one with anything more on the ball than them doesn't get ahead.

Corporate America can't lose like regular America either. In Corporate America, we can talk about family values while fucking up the world so our children will have to compete with mutant hordes over eating and mating rights. In Corporate America, we can pour millions of gallons of shit into rivers and streams poisoning everyone's water and it's OK because in Corporate America, we drink bottled water any way to show everyone else in Corporate America that we are of a high enough status to afford the shit.

In Corporate America, we value style over substance because we aren't smart enough to what substance is in the first place and because people of substance are probably smart enough to show just how stupid we are in Corporate America.

In Corporate America, we don't have to be right or left wing, we just have to contribute to both sides of the political spectrum in order to make sure we can go one fucking up the world without anyone saying a damn thing against us.

In Corporate America, anyone who says anything against us is probably just a commie anyway.

In Corporate America, no one will want for anything so long as what they want isn't to be free of Corporate America. In Corporate America, you will wear expensive sunglasses and watch flatscreen TVs, drive a new SUV every year and send your children to private schools run either by Catholics or businesses who will teach your children that things are much better now that we have eliminated liberal bias from our textbooks. The Indians welcomed settlers to their lands because they didn't know anything about farming or raping the local wildlife. It's good they done that, it really is.

In Corporate America, uneducated douchebags will sit on all the important boards and make all the decisions for us so we don't have to think at all. We can sit on our asses watching TV and reading news about which celebrities are fucking crazy or fucking chicks 16 years younger than they are.

In Corporate America, everyone will work for Corporate America and anyone tries to compete is a traitor. Trial lawyers (not working for Corporate America), reporters (not working for Corporate America) and teachers (not working for Corporate America) will be shot on site for wasting everyone's time and, more importantly, their money.

We'll talk a good game about family values and God because to do otherwise would hurt sales. Racism and intolerance will be eliminated so that everyone can concentrate on overconsumption. Obesity will be encouraged so that everyone can get diabetes and other health problems so that they can all contribute to the pharmaceutical corporations who help make this country great.

Soon, we won't need a standing army because we will outsource that to the Philippines. There will be no such thing as illegal immigration because all the people's of the Earth are welcomed to come to Corporate America and work for jack shit.