Don't believe the hype

From the desk of Dr. Tyler Uetz:

My dear friends,

I want to take a moment to talk with you about a group of people who are out there spreading a message of evil and ignorance. I will refer to this group as the "bowls of fuck" or BOF. The BOF are outraged you see because Bob Dylan has reached an agreement to release "Bob Dylan: Live at the Gaslight, 1962." Excited? So am I. But here's the deal, it's being released exclusively at Starbucks. Kind of a pain in the ass? Maybe. But I'll deal with it. Not the BOF, though; no, they have decided to raise hell about this. The BOF believe that Bob has really sold out this time. He's doing us all a great disservice. He's obviously no longer the anti-establishment king for these lost masses. (You can read more on the BOF point of view at http://www.commondreams.org/headlines05/0629-03.htm)

Here's my message to the BOF: Go fuck yourselves! What have you ever contributed to the world? Where is your gift to the people of the universe? When was the last time you produced anything that caused millions of people to sit back and reconsider? Why is Bob Dylan releasing a cd at Starbucks more important to you than the fact that our government lied to us and kids are dying everyday because of it? Seems to me that there once was an anti-establishment singer who sang about governments doing that sort of shit. What was his name? Oh god, it's on the tip of my tongue. Oh yeah, BOB DYLAN. They are called priorities, BOF. Look into them. And by the way, have you ever thought about who else you are supporting when you buy those killer reissues of Bob albums? Ever hear of Columbia Records? So to recap, my BOF lovelies:
1. Fuck yourselves.
2. There are people out there who are truly evil and need to be exposed.
3. They are called priorities.
4. Here are some other suggestions for issues you may want to take on in lieu of this sadly misguided and amazingly stupid concern:
a. there are millions of children without health care in this country
b. there are millions of people without jobs in this country
c. our country is in a horrible and misguided war and thousands of America's young
and tens of thousands of of Iraqi children (and of course this ignores adults, you can
add that up on your own.) are dying.
d. we live in a country that produces an amazing amount of waste which
threatens the safety and stability of future generations. Very realistic alternatives
are being ignored by the powers that be.
e. corporations have a stranglehold on our government and our democracy;
the everyday people who are supposed to be the owners of this country are
discounted and ignored - some of you could perhaps start working on ways to
combat that.
f. every day families receive what are called "predatory loans." These loans are made
to trap families so that no other lender can get the family's business. They make the
company a lot of money. And you know where they get the money to make these
loans? They get it from investment firms using our retirment accounts.
g. family farmers all over the world are being pushed off their land or relegated to serfs
by the corporate takeover of the agricultural industry and the world's food
system. this also means that anyone who eats food (perhaps that doesn't include
you) now is forced to support a very small number of multinational corporations who
own everything from the seeds and animals to the trucks that deliver the food
to the store and everything in between.

These are just a few suggestions for issues on which you could focus and perhpas might do more to make the world a better place. Leave Bob the fuck alone.

That's what I will say to any BOF I encounter. And I encourage all of you to do the same. Personally I hope Bob does another Victoria's Secret commercial. And I hope he slaps a big fucking Miller High Life sticker on his cowboy hat.

Mohalo.

Dr Tyler Uetz