The Bitch is Back!

Just got meself hooked back up to the IntraWeb
today. The only way I am ever going to get any
writing done, I figured, was to get back online at
home so that I can sit here like a squid in constant
contact with me mates, me blog, me bittorrents an
whatnot. So for those of you who have been complaining
that I don't update my blog often enough I say, stop
your bitching (and thanks for the kick in the ass).

The title to this post was inspired by a guy I knew
at Iowa State who made me realize just how far I
was willing to go to prove to myself that I was a cool
hip modern froog. You see, I've been down with the
Rainbow Revolution since 1986 ... way before it was
hip and metrosexual. I used to go to gay rights rallies
on campus back when there were only about 10 people
who show up to be ridiculed by passersby. I realized
even back then that gay rights were the new civil rights
issue of the 21st century. Even so, I remember being a
it freaked out watching two dudes kiss at the rally.
Nowadays, I'd kiss a dude just to prove that I am
comfortable with my masculinity.

So when Tom the big drama queen began trying to
push the envelope by demonstrating to me on the
floor of my dorm room how he jerked off by shoving
the end of an umbrella up his ass, I figured I had to
let him. After all, I didn't want to come off like a hick.

Tom made even the stereotypical flamer look like
John Wayne in "The Quiet Man." He couldn't just
walk into a room and get to work. Oh no. He had
to make an entrance like anybody actually gave a
fuck. "The bitch is back," he'd announce to the
newsroom like he was Bette Davis instead of a
32-year-old grad student from Sioux City.

I eventually realized that if Tom were straight, I'd
fucking hate him. So why was it wrong to hate him
because he was gay? I hated the way he acted straight,
gay or asexual.

So one day he went on a complete bitch ass tear when
I had a terrible case of bronchitis and was trying to get
to the grocery store with 12 inches of snow on the ground
and 70 below temps outside. He was bitching up a storm
about some bad headline in the newspaper written by
some 20 year old kid who was in a hurry. I politely told
him I wasn't in the mood for it because I was sick but he
didn't heed my warning. So I went off on him. "This
conversation is over," I said. "What's that supposed to
mean," he asked. "It means fuck off and leave me alone.
I told you I was really fucking sick, you self-centered
asshole." He got the message, but we never spoke again.
I feel kind of bad that I wasn't able to get my point across
more firmly without snapping, but God damn, some people
are just too preoccupied with their own damn issues to have
a bit of pity. They deserve what they get.