Ah mona call mah baby Bloggie Sue

Talked to a lady named Etna Mae tonight. I'm pretty sure she was named after the insurance, which takes it's name from the volcanic mountain in Sicily. It's the fabled home of Vulcan (Hephaestus in Greek). I'm not sure what to think of this one. There is a fine line between naming your kid something unusual/cool and something unusual/fucking stupid. Cher isn't bad. Chair pronounced "Cher" is stupid. Portia is cool. Porsche is not. Mercedes is sweet. Lexus ... not so much. Cheyenne is a barely acceptable name for a hayseed girl. ShyAnne ... somebody needs horse-whipped.

My sister came dangerously close to naming my nephew Jaime (pronounced Jamie). I told her that name is Spanish and it's pronounced Hi-may. Name him James and call him Jamie if you must, but give the kid options, I said. For the love of God, people, you are naming a human being not a dog. Name your baby like you have a hope in hell it's gonna make it to 18 and will one day need the respect of it's freakin' peers.

I went to school with a Sam (not Samuel), a Rick (not Richard), a Dave (not David, if you can believe that) and a Steven (not Steven). Thank God my mom gave me a man's name and didn't call me Gregalan or something stupid like that.

To all the children of the world saddled with bad monikers, make up your own name and let your parents know they screwed up and that you will not stand for it.