If you're like me, and I know I am...

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Uh-Oh Spaghetti-Os indeed


I don't know about you, but I think Spaghetti-Os
are fucking disgusting. I mean, look at this
picture of this runny pink shit. This was taken
by someone who LIKES the stuff. You can't make
it look good let alone taste good. Who would
feed this to a kid?

Not liking Spaghetti-Ohs isn't something I decided
once reaching adulthood, I've always hated the stuff.
Even when I was the target age for this shit in a
can, I thought they tasted like ass, but more
importantly that they had the texture of something
soft and rank.

This standard of mine wasn't particularly high
because my mother only made the best of all possible
pasta dishes at home. Because she didn't. My mom
would be the first person to admit that cooking
takes a certain ... oh what's the word ... desire,
I suppose. One has to have love in one's heart to
cook for family, even more to cook for friends. We
are talking about keeping people happy and healthy
and that kind of nurturing just was never in my
mother that I can recall. I didn't know what a
green vegetable was until I was 16. Even then, I
didn't get it at home. Starch and fried meat was
usually dinner. Hamburger in shells (goulash), pork
chops and potatoes in cream of mushroom soup, chicken
and rice in Liption's onion and cream of chicken,
Martha Gooch spaghetti (so starchy I once thought
someone blew their nose in my pasta ... true story),
and Swiss steak with mashed potatoes.

To be honest, Spaghetti-Os were kind of ABOVE us. We
didn't go in for fancy, over-priced items like that.
Chips were store brand, bread was store brand, cheese
was sliced American singles on everything. To this day,
I still get the craving for tacos with a single on top.

I used to want things like Spaghetti-Os, Ruffles and
Wonder Bread just because that's what other kids ate.
That's just the stuff you THINK you want when you
don't know any better.

Now I realize a lot of that stuff was crap. Wonder
Bread is the nastiest high carb, stick to the roof of
your mouth shit I ever had. Give me some whole wheat,
dammit. I want seeds stuck in my teeth when I'm done
with that peanut butter sandwich.

Ruffles aren't the best chips I've ever eaten. They
are too salty for one and the ridges don't do anything
for me. Give me wavy chips any day. We are trained to
want things from a young age. Two and three year olds
learn to point to things on TV and in the store and cry.
It's effective. Effective and evil.

1 comment:

Aunt B said...

You neglected to mention how the "meatballs" taste suspiciously like sawdust. Spaghetti-Os are vile enough; Spaghetti-Os with meatballs are ungodly.