This week in gender politics

I'd hate to be the president of Harvard about now.
Next week, OK, but this week is just utter chaos. I
don't want to get into whether or not this guy was
right or wrong, or whether the response is a
"witchhunt" or not. It is a talking point either way
pushing the debate about "possible" differences
between men and women into the light of news show
discussion. Yay!

Of course men and women are different. Those
differences are biological as well as socialized. They
are not to be ignored if we are to respect them and
accomodate them.

But it seems like any time, particularly a man,
suggests that these differnces might result in varied
skill levels across gender lines, we go nuts defending
our various territories.

I've worked with a lot of women who said they wished
they didn't work with women because they thought women
were catty, vicous and unpredictable. They all cycle
together and go at it furiously for three days and
then one day they want to be best friends to the
annoyance of everyone. No diggity. But no man is
allowed to think these things even if he doesn't act
on those thoughts.

Let's be honest, though, no one is really worried
about little differences in ability that might go
unnoticed, they are concerned about society as a whole
buying the idea that men are better than women. They
are worried that women as a whole will be left out of
everything just because women's brains (according to
studies most likely done by men) might not be AS
geared toward a specific kind of mathematical
processing as men's minds. That's legit.

On the other side, some women view any notice of
differences as an assault on the whole. Attorney
Gloria Allred used to frequently appear in defense of
women saying that there was no occupation that women
should not be equally represented in regardless of
their qualifications. Even if that meant life and
death as in the cases of firefighters being required
to carry 300 pounds out of a burning building. I bet
there are a few 300 pound women out there who disagree
with that.

The truth in the middle of this debate is that men and
women have different processes that should be catered
to so that all individuals can achieve their
potential. I think that means separate classes for
boys and girls, maybe a few separate colleges for men
and women. And if some man who may or may not be a
dinosaur says "the wrong thing" while attending a
conference addressing this very issue, he probably
shouldn't have his balls cut off just cause he's man
who didn't state the politically correct party line.

And now an anecdote that wouldn't be possible without
differnces between men and women.

There is this insurance commercial on where this woman
comes out in a new dress and asks her husband, who is
focused on reading the newspaper, "Does this dress
makes me look fat." Instantly and without looking at
her he says, "You betcha." He wasn't listening and
gave her the answer he thought she wanted, one that
would allow him to continue reading his paper. She
stands there staring at him for a few seconds until he
feels her eyes on the back of his head. He turns
around almost as an after thought and says, "What?"
She turns away in a beautifully understated huff.

It's a pretty good commercial highlighting once again
the need most women feel to ask obvious questions they
already have the answer to but expect their men to lie
to them so convincingly that they can brainwash
themselves into believing that not only are their
asses not big, but that the unflattering clothes they
wear that make them self conscious are somehow hiding
that fact.

It also humorously depicts how men can be so oblivious
as to screw themselves when they are not 100 percent
focused on the emotional needs of their spouses. I am
biased on this one. I can't count the number of times
I've been mind-fucked like this by women I am not even
in a relationship with.

It's always been my dream to find a woman who won't
play those mind games. I find this behavior bordering
on emotional abuse especially because if men don't
play along, WE get accused of being emotionally
abusive. "He told me I was fat!" "All I said was 'yes,
that dress does make you look fat. You asked!'" That's
the worst kind of mind fucking.

I want a woman who doesn't expect me to say the exact
thing she wants to hear at the exact moment she needs
to hear it in order to not go into a suicidal
tailspin, accuse me of abuse or try to get everyone we
know to hate me too.

"I don't care if you have contagious tuberculosis,
baby, I love you so much that it would be worth dying
just to be with you for a few seconds." This isn't too
far from reality in some cases and, frankly, only a
psychopath would expect the world to dance to this
tune. I'd be more than happy to tell my woman that I
like her big fat ass, but that isn't good enough. I'm
supposed to love it and tell her it's tiny to boot.

Even so, all of this wouldnt be so bad if one could
expect a modicum of reciprocity, but that would be
CRAZY. I can't tell you how many times I've had "the
best sex I've ever had." But I'm supposed to be happy
with comments like "I like the way you touch me" ?!
Screw that! I want to hear, "You are killing me with
your huge penis that tastes like cinnamon, but I love
it and will risk damaging a kidney to get some more!"

I am troubled. I blame my mother.