The importance of being earnest

My doctor is probably in her late 20s and she seems like
a well-meaning individual. Of course, that just makes
it worse that she wants to help me help myself. I gotta
think that as an Indian, she probably looks at fat
Americans and their gluttonous health problems and thinks
"there are people in my country that could live for a
month of the nutrients found in your fat man's shit."
Not that she would think anything that vulgar, but
you get the point.

She must think I really don't care what happens. I don't
NOT care about my health, it's just that I don't feel
like I can do much to improve things. Even when I DO
go out and exercise and make some progress, something
always happens to fuck things up. Like getting fired,
losing my health insurance, going into a deep dark
depression so black and funky that it feels like I'll
never get out of it. It's hard to go power walking
when you don't even want to get out of bed. Top it off,
I can't feel my feet. When I do go walking, it's like
I'm walking on stumps. My shoe could fly off and I probably
wouldn't feel it if I got a piece of glass shoved in
my foot. I know this is true, because I broke my toe
about three months ago and never felt that.

Hopefully I can do more than take pills to manage my
diabetes. I don't want to take insulin. Not that it's
that hard, it's just a line I'd rather not cross.