‘Star Wars,’ thank God it’s over

When I saw “Star Wars” in 1977 at the
Indian Hills Theater in Omaha, Neb. I
can honestly say it was one of the
single most awesome experiences of my
life. Now granted, a year or two prior
to that, I was saying the exact same
thing about “Battle for the Planet of
the Apes.” But why not?

Culturally, we tend to forget a great
many things. One of those things is the
fact that before “Star Wars” came along
to shock and titillate our collective
zeitgeist with its flashy special effects
and big explosions, “ The Planet of the
Apes” franchise did it all and without
the pyrotechnics. There was a cartoon,
a TV show, Halloween costumes, lunchboxes,
games, toys and, dare I say, a deep and
abiding love for humanity in that enterprise.
“Apes” was the biggest thing to happen to
science fiction since Isaac Asimov wrote
“I, Robot,” The Foundation Trilogy and
three other novels in one weekend.

Oh sure, the special effects in the
Apes movies were terrible by today’s
standards, but back then it was about
as good as things ever got. Every make-up
artist in Hollywood worked on the first
movie keeping chimpanzee, gorilla and
orangutan masks in good shape. But it
was the story that really kicked things
into high gear. You take the first one,
“The Planet of the Apes.” Story by Pierre
Boullé (“Bridge Over the River Kwai’) and
screenplay by Rod Serling (“The Twilight
Zone”).

Does anyone need to say anything more? A
man, disgusted with the human race, volunteers
to go off to another planet never to return
to Earth again (because of relativity, a
thousand years will pass while only a
couple of years pass aboard the ship).
“In all the universe there has to be
something better than man.”

Maybe there is, but he wakes up to find
himself on a planet where apes evolved
from men. It doesn’t make any sense
that men should be running around like
dumb animals unable to speak, think or
wear clothes while apes are doing all
the ruling, gabbing, shooting and
wearing of pants. Come to find out,
he’s not on another planet; he’s been
on Earth the whole time. “I’m home.
You blew it up!” he says. “Damn you
all to heeeeeeeeelll!”

Talk about your punch-out endings. Two
hours in the theater watching monkeys
talk then you get a face full of the
greatest Serling-esque twist ever written?
It doesn’t get better.

I for one am glad that “Star Wars” is over.
I caught “Revenge of the Sith” last weekend
and it was pretty good. At least, it was
pretty good while I sat there getting blasted
in the eyes and ears for two and a half hours
being awed by all the flipping and popping
and shooting one expects from George Lucas.
But there was a serious lack of inspiration
in this film. The effects took front and
center. The purpose of the prequel trilogy
was lost in the rush of the last 20 minutes
of the movie. The direction was non-existent,
the dialogue was boring and the acting was as
stale as a week-old bagel from the craft service
table.

It’s ironic really that many die-hard fans
feel this way because, for a variety of reasons,
“Star Wars” is the very film that taught us all
to expect more from our movies, not less. The
first film was a simple, classic story told well
in a unique setting with clever effects executed
masterfully. When we get to the end, we have a
languorous tale told haltingly over the course
of two and half hours with animated effects
provided by soulless computers. The sense of
fantastic reality is blown apart because it
strains the mental mechanism known as suspension
of disbelief. At any given moment, there are a
thousand elements on the screen competing for our
attention. No one comes out the winner.

I went in with low expectations and that saved
me from utter disappointment. Had I known it
wouldn’t give me any great satisfaction, I would
have still gone to see “Revenge of the Sith”
much in the same way I might go to a funeral
for a relative I had lost touch with years ago
just to feel a sense of closure. Just as at a
funeral, everyone feels inclined to say something
nice about the deceased, there are those who will
tell you this movie is good and a fitting way
to end nearly 30 years of extended childhood
bliss. But that is nothing more than wishful
thinking.

Perhaps now, science fiction can get back to
what it was once good at before laser blasts
and screaming starships took over center stage:
telling good stories about future possibilities.

For some good science fiction that uses story
to entertain rather than shiny effects, try
“Bladerunner,” “2001: A Space Odyssey,” any
old episode of “Star Trek,” “Doctor Who” or
“Blake’s 7,” “Phase Four,” “Westworld,”
“Metropolis,” “Gattaca,” “Forbidden Planet,”
“Wizards,” “Escape from New York,” “Mad Max,”
“Day of the Triffids,” “Night of the Comet,”
“Soylent Green,” “Omega Man,” “Buckaroo Banzai,”
and oh, so much more.