Democracy yes; aristocracy no

American culture is fascinated with monarchy
and aristocracy. We claim that we are not; at
least those of us with enough history under
our belts to know that America is supposed to
be free of those blights make that claim. But
the evidence around us suggests otherwise.

For example, Americans love their celebrities.
We prize, lionize and canonize men and women
for their ability to bounce big orange balls, drive
Monte Carlos around an ovoid really fast and act,
barely in many cases. In fact, I would say that
celebrity itself is more important than having
something to hang that celebrity on in the first
place. Take Paris Hilton … please. Here is a barely
visible slip of a girl whose most enduring contribution
to the American zeitgeist and broader culture is her
inability to keep her tiny pants and even smaller
skirts pulled above her gluteal divide. Her amateur
film career, though even less remarkable, will no
doubt live on for some time as well. But the thing
about Paris Hilton is that she isn’t really famous
for any greater reason other than being famous.
Her modeling career isn’t anything to gawk at so
much as is her bad behavior. Her intellect is shockingly
stunted, as well. Her little friend, Nicole Ritchie, is
an even greater example of the type. She is apparently
famous only for being friends with Hilton.

As much as we claim to love democracy in America,
we tend to offer up the same benefits to our presidents
as we would otherwise do to kings and queens were we
Europeans. According to my history books, all politicians
are deserving of the exact same constant scorn, ridicule
and watchful public eye-balling. It isn’t personal; it’s
just how real democracy is supposed to work. Watch
the British Prime Minister take questions from
Parliament and you will see how roughly a head
of state should be treated by the legislative branch.

Sports stars are the most baffling of all American
aristos. They play well, get paid great, receive
adulation and admiration in abundance, and many
still can’t behave themselves off the courts, courses
and fields. Those who want to can get away with
crimes far more often than the average man or even
politician. We worship these people and yet we rarely
if ever force them to behave as the role models they
so clearly are by default. They can be outlaws who
get away with anything. Pretty Boy Floyd should have
had it so easy.

With that said, I don’t know anyone who doesn’t fall
apart when meeting celebrities and that includes me.
Hypocrisy is built into the system at all levels and I
won’t claim to be any better, just more aware. The
first celebrity I ever met was Adam West. That was
back in the early ‘70s when “Batman” was in heavy
syndication every day after school. I was thrown onto
the stage with the man in the middle of an auto show
in Omaha. Considering the weight of the moment and
the fullness of my nervous bladder, I’m quite lucky to
have retained my urine.

I got to sit in the same room with Martin Sheen for about
an hour and a half in 2000. He was schilling for “The West
Wing” at a journalism convention at the Marriott Marquis
in Times Square. He talked at length about how he
perceived the role and chatted with the audience like a
beloved uncle. He seemed a bit spacey, was very funny
and gracious. Less than 24 hours later, I saw comedian
Patrice O’Neil perform in the same room. It was cool,
but not as heady.

Dennis Miller was one of my best interviews and most
awestruck moments. I didn’t receive a press release
asking me if I’d like to interview the man I considered
my hero for many years. I went looking for it. I talked
to all the right people and set that bad boy up. I’ve still
got the tape somewhere. And yes, he is just as nasty and
condescending as he is on TV. Maybe worse.

New York Times reporter Seymour Hersh walked into
my college newsroom at the Iowa State Daily just like a
normal human being would. The guy who broke the story
about the My Lai massacre is pretty controversial, but
no self-respecting professional journalist can deny it was
a fine piece of reporting, dangerous to do and powerful
in its consequences. He was pretty jet-lagged and more
than a bit put off that no one in the room seemed to know
who he was. What can I say, there are so many hours in
the day to learn how to be a journalist let alone who we as
journalists should be ecstatic to meet IF we ever get that
chance.

I could go on with a list that includes Patty Maloney, Tori
Amos, Paul Begala, Helen Thomas, Arianna Huffington, Roger
Ebert and Dave Attell, but I don’t want to appear to be bragging.
That would undermine my point, which is that celebrities,
while fascinating in their fame, are just people. While we
as individuals might go all aflutter in their presence, we
should never allow ourselves to be swayed rationally by
their whims. We shouldn’t vote football coaches, actors
and super models into political office just ‘cause we know
their names and what they look like. We should not be any
more inclined to give credence to a Rob Reiner, George
Clooney or Arnold Scwarzennegger because they made us
laugh at their antics in a film or on TV. Our legal system
should not give third and fourth chances to anyone who would
be deemed a career criminal or a hopeless addict if it weren’t
for the fact that millions see them doing their jobs.

Celebrities are not necessarily good or bad on their own,
but the culture we as worshipful plebeians create around
them is decidedly bad.