Bloody hell, ya been into me Wheaties?

Gordon "Ugly Irish prick" Harold

I have obstructive sleep apnea so for years -- as many as 20 -- I didn't really sleep the way most people do. I never had that deep, deep sleep full of dreams that went on and on and shifted and changed with the whims of the subconscious mind. No, I would have a little half lucid rambling and then wake up just long enough to screw up REM and start all over again.

Now, I wear a mask. Sometimes I wake up after eight hours in the same position I laid down in. Sometimes I wake up with my tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth. And I always dream. I dream like a mother these days.

Last night, I dreamt about this old roommate of mind, Gordon Harold. This scrawny, ugly fucking Irish asshole looked like Aidan Quinn on crack. He was emotionally abusive though and that was the worst part. He went home for the summer, which was great. But he padlocked the door to his room shut. Also not a problem except that the thermostat was in there and it was a hot one in our second-floor apartment. My room was right above the downstairs kitchen, too.

It was the most reasonable thing in the world for me to unhinge his door and get at the thermostat. He should have apologized frankly for inconveniencing me. Instead, he decides to throw a hissy fit and the door at me. He also accused me of "eating his bloody Wheaties" which was really stupid since he told me to eat whatever he left behind. Truth is, I never touched his Wheaties because I didn't know they were there. Had I known, I would have. I did eat the blood sausage though. It was nasty.

So last night, I have this dream where we are both supposed to speak at the Maintenance Shop (only it looks different) in the Memorial Union at Iowa State. Of course, he calls me fatty shortly before we go on and I beat the Holy fuck out of him. Then for some odd reason I'm naked and have to get dressed right before I go on and miss my shot while he goes up for big laughs.

It had all the elements of reality and none of the substance. His American ass-kiss friends thought everything he did was funny. Everyone acted like he was Brilliant though the only thing he had going for him was ... being Irish.

That guy minus the accent got NO PLAY. He was ugly for Christ's sake. This is a good picture of him and he used to be even uglier. He's gained a little.