Foxy Lady
The Story of Miss Ann
A Dances with Racist Skanks Film
A Dark Fox Flying Nachos
Production for Lifetime Television
copyright 2007
INTERIOR DAY
The empty foyer of a Victorian home. Children's shoes are lined up neatly on a mat by the door. A backpack and school jackets hang on hooks above the mat. A figure appears as a shadow through the curtained window of the front door. The doorbell rings. There is a pregnant foreshadowing pause and then the bell rings again.
A woman's voice (Ann)
Coming!
A middle-aged woman with a nice ass, maybe too tightly clenched, walks to the door and opens it. A handsome young mostly white man with black hair (Greg) in his late teens is at the door.
Ann
Well, hi there, mister, why'n'cha come on inside here?
Greg
Hi Miss Ann. Is your son, Todd, here?
Ann
Yes he is, but I tell you he's upstairs taking a nap as is my husband, coincidentally. Which is a real shame too 'cause my pot roast is all done and ain't no bugger here to eat it. Would you like some?
Greg
Why sure, Miss Ann. I could never say no to putting a tasty piece of meat in me.
Ann
What a coincidence, neither could I.
The pair move into the dining room where a lovely Norman Rockwell style dinner is laid out with four place settings. The two sit down and eat pot roast and have a casual conversation.
Ann
So Greg, did you know that Indians used to rape white women?
Greg
Well, gosh no, I didn't Miss Ann.
Ann
It's true, as far as I know and as a professional educator who is allowed to work with children of all races, ethnic backgrounds and socio-economic statuses, I would hardly just make up something like that now would I?
Greg
No ma'am, that would be effin' crazy.
Ann
Exactly. So I understand you have a little Indian in you Greg, is that right?
Greg
Why yes'm, but I ain't never raped me no white woman before.
Ann
Are you sure? Maybe you did it some night when the moon was full and the red skinned savage inside of you took over. Could you have done it then?
Greg
Maybe. I don't know. I don't think so. But I suppose anything is possible.
Ann
Uh-huh. Anywho, I've always wanted a little Indian in me, too.
Greg
What do you mean?
Ann
You know.
Greg
Nooooo.... I don't. What?
Ann
Yoouuuu knoooooow.
Greg
(Thinking long and hard) Oh, I think I know what you mean.
Ann
Really?
Greg
No. Not really.
Ann
Do I have to draw you a picture ... you dirty, dirty red skin?
Greg
OK, that might help.
Ann scribbles on a napkin turning it this way for a few seconds then turning it and scribbling furiously again. She pauses for a few seconds to appraise the drawing. Scribbles a few more details. Looks down approvingly, then pushes the napkin across the table to Greg. Greg looks down at the napkin. He turns his head to the left and then to the right without seeming to comprehend what he sees. Ann turns the napkin 180 degrees and then Greg's face registers sudden recognition.
Greg
Ohhhh. OK. I get it. What's that say?
Ann
Slippery when wet.
Greg throws up pot roast in his mouth just a little bit.
Greg
Oh God.
Ann
And I have to tell you ... the forecast is calling for mostly cloudy skies with a chance for drizzle.
[a bit of a pause]
Ann
You see, Greg, one might well ask what a grown, supposedly educated, woman would be doing prattling on about Indians raping white women over a hundred years ago. Well, I often fantasize about getting the shit raped out of me by Indians. It's just a thing I do to jump start the old libido. When you get to be my age, it takes an act of God or a really filthy bi-racial violation fantasy to get the motor running. Is it love? Not so much, but then after 20 years, neither is marriage. But why am I boring you with all this incessant chatter, you filthy savage, when we could be desecrating the sanctity of my living room with our bodily fluids.
Greg
Wait, let me get my purity list from my wallet first. There's a bunch of freaky shit on here I'd like to cross off ... if you don't mind?
Ann
Mind? I insist. Todd's got one of those. I understand he's already marked off a midget, an amputee's nub and "giving a chick a pearl necklace while thinking about a dude during group sex when you think your parents are asleep upstairs." Which one are you on?
Greg
Well, I was hoping to knock out hate fucking a racist and a friend's mother all in one go, but if I could add changing positions without taking it out and A to M then I get a bonus point for doing four things in one go. Two points if you piss on me for a finale.
Ann
Done and done!
[bompa chic-a-bomp baaah bomp bah dah for about 5-10 minutes]
CUT TO FOYER
Greg
Well that was different.
Ann
What a learning experience. I guess deep down, we really are all just the same in spite of our obvious and hideous racial differences.
Greg
Yeah. Well, thanks for the pot roast. Tell Todd I was here. Bye.
Ann
Bye. (aside) Oh you crazy kids. Where's my "hot water bottle?" Todd! Dinner's getting cold!
THE END
8 comments:
Is there any other word for this other than "genius"?
Yes, pathetic and sad. Frankly, I am at a complete loss as to how small of a person it takes to keep rehashing an event that happened so long ago. Not to mention how you can still feel any kind of superiority by belittling someone’s mother on the internet. Why not take a lesson from your own book, scrape this incident off of your boot, and get over yourself. It's pretty obvious at this point that you have so little going on in your life that you have to try to drudge up shit from the past to entertain yourself and your e-friends.
My ip is 68.13.56.19x in case you are still suffering under the delusion that you are really irritating my older brother... you're just annoying me at this point. Grow up...
this blog is simply some of the funniest writing ive ever read, the script deserves to be made into a film so that we can all enjoy the scenes on the big screen-hahahaha way to go!!!
"I am at a complete loss as to how small of a person it takes to keep rehashing an event that happened so long ago."
It takes a slightly bigger person to write this stuff than it does to be the person who keeps coming back trolling around here looking for the next slight to comment on .... mama's boy. But of course, you will no doubt be back later today to read this and the next post.
Tell you what, you give me Ann's phone number and I'll apologize to the racist bitch personally. "I'm sorry for taking umbrage at your racist comment, bitch. Mud people like me really should have learned our place by now. Sorry I didn't tell you I wasn't racially pure the first time I walked into your house, you crazy piece of shit."
Hmm, I think I just came up with the next post.
The Bastard out of Carolina writes:
"What sticks out to me is his admission of his mothers racist behavior. He didn't claim your story was based on a fabrication. He KNOWS she is a racist. He is only mad because you continue to entertain readers with the story using wit and sarcasm. I certainly don't expect him to appreciate the story, but he ought to know that much of your bitterness is because of him.
He says nothing is going on in your life, yet he tunes in to your channel often enough to follow your blogs. Sounds like he is very interested in "nothing". On top of being interested in "nothing" he is also "annoyed"... based on that I would say he is entertained also."
Good point, Bastard, if that is your real name. I wouldn't be giving this dude's mother a second thought if her offspring hadn't emailed me to ask me to please not say anything bad about their racist mother possibly giving a dude a suckjob to get her other son a job. Maybe this guy is jealous because he knows he mother would never get on her knees to help him in the same way. I'd never be able to look my mother in the eyes again, but a part of me would swell with pride if I thought she'd denegrate herself for my benefit. I really don't see the problem. Diff'rent strokes for diff'rent folks, I guess.
Matt from Omaha writes:
i read that guys post. i wouldnt sweat it. it makes no sense. quoting that ip is kind of irrelevant
I originally emailed you to try to handle this as mature adults. It was you who thought it was Todd posing as me and set about on another rant with your "justification".
I just remembered you as a semi-sane person who I thought if I approached him in a sincere way would stop and say "Hey maybe I did go too far with that one"... but we all can read the archives on how that one turned out.
As for me trolling on here, I can only laugh. I was simply checking back to see if you had gone back and read my previous comments and maybe replied. It was you who chose to continue rehashing the subject and making new posts about it. Trolling would imply that I sit here all day and comment on every one of your blog entries in a negative or bating way. I've commented a total of 4 times including this one.
I only posted my IP so you could verify that it wasn't a Houston IP and therefore wasn't Todd in disguise.
As for checking back here anymore, nope. I doubt I'll be back. I happened across the original post quite by accident and I could really care less if you choose to go on embarrassing yourself by being petty and small minded. Have fun in your little sand box with your e-friends (who I'm sure will all get a kick out of this post as well) because that is, afterall, why Al Gore invented the internet...
I guess it's too bad you won't read this then.
I don't have any doubts that this is Tony, I just don't care. Todd is a dickhead, but he IS a rocket scientist. The image I get of whoever is writing these comments includes a bike helmet worn 24/7. Even Todd wouldn't have been backwards enough to whip out a 7 year old hackneyed joke about Al Gore inventing the Internet as if that is supposed to get under my skin (by the way, if you're going to be a DittoHead, at least be an au currant one).
If you think implying your mother might have sucked a dude off to get your brother a job is a "Hey maybe I did go too far with that one" moment for me then you really do not know me very well. So it is no surprise that you've grossly and erroneously estimated my semi-sanity and potential for oopsydaisies.
As far as your summation of my "justification," that pretty much relieves me of the responsibility of any and all moral debate on the subject. You are either cool with your mother's behavior or think I'm a liar but don't have the guts to say it (quotes don't always cut it for an explanation). Either way, I don't have to give a fuck.
I write for fun. If you don't like it, don't come back, but I will say what I want when I want. As for only annoying you ... there is always Google and everybody Googles themselves eventually.
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