Lazy Blogger

Got criticized for not blogging regularly. Problem was my mother got on here and became all concerned about my strong desire to kill myself. I can't say as I blame her. It would be a drag for her if I were at all likely to succeed in that endeavor. But considering the isolation we all live in today with no meaningful social safety net or clan life, bodies should be dropping from the sky. You don't see a lot of tribal people killing themselves; there are too many alternatives.

I just don't understand how most modern people don't want to shoot themselves in the face on a daily basis. I can't be the only one, can I? Life's a piece of shit. It's grueling most of the time and when it's not grueling it's fuckin' boring, demeaning, degrading and just plain bloody awful.

The poet Ann Sexton was so afraid of dying that she killed herself. Some people think that's an odd way to express one's fear of dying, but I get it. It's the anticipation that drives so many people crazy. By getting it over with quick, they relieve that stress.

Chuck Pahlaniuk said it best when he said, "Everyone you love will eventually die or betray you." Frankly, the same goes for yourself. I learned to betray myself at a very early age and I haven't been able to stop. I'm one of those guys who can make an amazing catch or sing like a bird ... so long as no one is watching me and I'm not thinking about it at all. Writing is about all I've ever had that came naturally. But I'm going to say what I want whenever I want because if I can't do that, that just makes life even worse.