You can take the girl out of Council Bluffs but you can't take Council Bluffs out of the girl

Had my 20th reunion last weekend. It was,
in spite of some concern, a great time. By
and large there were no assholes there. 120
classmates showed up and we talked about
old times and what's new with little rancor,
no awkward moments or heated exchanges.
There was a lot of love in that room and for
the first time in ages, I was at an event I wished
could have lasted much longer.


There was one exception, however, and that was
my good old friend's wife. Jim Heidenescher and
I were part of the same little D&D-playing clique
back in the day. We both went to ISU and lost
touch shortly after that. He married a girl from
our high school (apparently, though I don't have
a clue who she was) named Dawn Shipley. Apparently
she was two years younger than us. It was also
pretty apparent that she had a severe attitude
problem I like to refer to as typical Council
Bluffs cunt syndrome.

People who leave Council Bluffs for larger cities
often operate under the delusion that those of us
who still live here were somehow unable to leave
and become human beings worthy of respect or, in
fact, common decency. So when they are forced to
come back home, they have a real snit. Their backwards
ass hayseen genes kick in and they start letting
everyone know they think they are better than us.
Which is ironic becaues anyone who really is better
than us is either able to relax and have a good time
or didn't bother to show up at all. This is a side
effect of being a hick in the THE BIG CITY.

Who gives a shit? Living in a big city doesn't make
you a big fish. Why is it that reunions make
people feel it's necessary to go and impress/denigrate
others? If I were so certain I was just that much
better than everyone else, I wouldn't bother to show
up and act like an asshole. I'd only show up to act
like an asshole if I were and insecure shtibag.

Which brings us back to Dawn Heidesnsfher who has all
the charm and social graces of a white trash incest
survivor. While speaking with my buddy Mark, she acted
quite perturbed that he didn't have a clue who
she was. "I don't know half the people in my
OWN class," Mark said. "Why should I know anyone two
years younger than me?"


Good point.


Later that night, the bitch made Mark's wife
cry with just the right combination of questions
about her sick mother in Korea that she might
never see again. This was right after she tried
pissing me of with her political "acumen."


Pretty typical case of someone who thinks her
shit no longer stinks because she moved to "the
big city." Houston might be big, but its chock full
of fucking rednecks. It's like Planet of the Apes
without the great love for truth and science.


It's too bad as well because Jim's a good guy who
deserves less of a slag for a wife. I can see why he
waited so long to have a kid with her, I'd have my
doubts too about someone who would rather ruin
a good time than have one or stay the hell at home.
It's frankly disgusting. How people develop these
silly-assed issues is beyond me and what compels
them to act out on them is even more mystifying.


Let's say I'm a stupid bimbo like Dawn and I think
I'm better than normal and well-adjusted people
who are actually enjoying the companionship of old
school mates, but I'm twisted and bitter because
when I was 15 years old, some 17 year old wasn't
polite to me or made me feel like a stupid ugly little
flat-assed piece of white trash. I might decide
that -- since I'm actually better than these
people -- to just avoid them.


So what then would be my motivation to go and
hang out with people who couldn't give a shit less
about whether I was alive or dead? A desperate
need to be either accepted or respected? Possibly.
To prove what a little girl I really am inside by
trying to hurt people I don't even know because
that's what truly superior people do? OK.


Truth is, Dawn Shipley Heidenescher was simply
out of her element. A 20th reunion isn't an
opportunity to show people whose only real
distinction from you is that they are two years
your senior your contempt. It's a party. You go
to a party to have fun or you stay home. Anyone
who chooses to go and lambaste everyone with
your shitty attititude says nothing bad about
them, it just shows your lack of maturity. It
shows just how far from your roots you HAVEN'T
managed to grow.


So fuck you Dawn, we're better than you. Maybe
in two or 20 years, you'll get to where we are. If
not, stay home.