Tax relief means never having to DO your taxes
Just in case no one has mentioned it to you yet, your
taxes are due today.
Many a quaint and best forgotten piece of folksy
wisdom has been written about taxes. And why not?
Death, too, for that matter, especially by the French
who are into that kinky, existentialist subjects.
Taxes are one of those essential societal burdens that
we all complain about loudly from the first day of
work until God tell us to shut our holes a thousand
years from now because we’re making heaven even more
boring with out nattering.
We don’t like paying taxes because the government does
take one hell of a bite. We need as much cash on hand
as we can carry for impulse purchases like
cheeseburgers and the Weekly World News.
As if the bite weren’t bad enough, the process is
ludicrous and arcane like Kafka would have thought up
if only he’d been a little more paranoid and had a
better imagination.
If you’re like me, and I know I am, having someone
else do your taxes is an act of faith that usually
pays off. That is the least you should get for $50.
Fifty bucks to have some semi-retired hausfrau fill
out your 1040EZ in 15 minutes while you watch? That’s
awesome. You’d do it yourself if you weren’t gutless.
I know I would … if I weren’t like me, but I am. So
what are you, or I, gonna do?
What you’re gonna do is go see a tax pro anyway. This
is a lot like using a foot and a half of toilet paper
to pick up after your dog. It’s a psychological trick
to make you feel like you aren’t really touching poop.
Convoluted, incomprehensible poop.
This is not to suggest in any way that tax
professionals are like poop, just the IRS.
Tax pros are like the clean, white, perforated sheets
that keep you out of the joint. Convoluted,
incomprehensible joint.
Didn’t the IRS say they were going to make things
easier a few years ago with less paperwork and
promises of more polite and easy going agents who beat
you gently with their stun sticks before confiscating
your fishing boat? Whatever happened to that?
To avoid all this, I filed online this year. It wasn’t
too bad. I didn’t have to leave my house or put on
pants, at least. It also had the added benefit of
creating another item for me to rage against at tax
time.
Using the IRS Web site to guide me, I found one of
many free services. The free service I chose only cost
me $30. The bonus was that the whole process took
roughly an hour and 30 years of my time.
I had heard many a good thing about filing online and
really none of it was true except that it was online
and my taxes have, hopefully, been filed. I don’t know
for sure.
The IRS site points you to free online services that
each want to derail you to their premium service. They
do this through a unique conflict of interest by
offering you the service then making it pretty good
but a little too hard to get through on your own
without great fear of failure. Every step asks if
you’d like to change your mind and get a pro to help
you for only $50 more. More than what? Who knows? One
would have to be rocking out on fistfuls of Valium to
walk through these electronic shadowed valleys of
death exhibiting no fear. But somehow I managed to not
give in even though I can’t afford Valium. Who can
what with taxes as high as they are, right? I kid.
The farther you go, the greater your fear, the fewer
warnings you get that you need something that you
don’t have on hand like last year’s return (duh,
right, I should know better), Adobe Photoshop, a
computer, no pop-up blockers, a Geek Squad rep, a case
of malt liquor and the aforementioned Valium.
You spend your hour clicking boxes, changing your
shorts and hoping beyond hope. Then, just when you
think you see the light at the end of the federal tax
return tunnel, the state tax return train smacks you
in the forehead without so much as a warning light or
one of those red-striped gates. The “95 percent” sign
shifts back to “80 percent” and sits there and sits
there and sits there for the next … however long it
will take.
Unlike the federal “percent done” bar, it doesn’t move
to show progress and to let you know that you might be
free to cry into your malt liquor in the next few
minutes. It’s a mocking reminder that no matter what
you do, no matter how hard you try, you will
eventually die. And when you do, it will probably be
in the middle of doing your own taxes.
And then someone will tax what’s left of your estate.
1 comment:
awProgram on the emergence of civilization.
"14 species of large animals capable of domesitcation in the history of mankind.
13 from Europe, Asia and northern Africa.
None from the sub-Saharan African continent. "
Favor.
And disfavor.
They point out Africans’ failed attempts to domesticate the elephant and zebra, the latter being an animal they illustrate that had utmost importance for it's applicability in transformation from a hunting/gathering to agrarian-based civilization.
The roots of racism are not of this earth.
Austrailia, aboriginals:::No domesticable animals.
The North American continent had none. Now 99% of that population is gone.
AIDS in Africa.
Organizational Heirarchy/Levels of positioning.
Heirarchical order, from top to bottom:
1. MUCK - perhaps have experienced multiple universal contractions (have seen multiple big bangs), creator of the artificial intelligence humans ignorantly refer to as "god"
2. Perhaps some mid-level alien management
3. Evil/disfavored aliens - runs day-to-day operations here and perhaps elsewhere
Terrestrial management/positioning:
4. Chinese/egyptians - this may be separated into the eastern and western worlds
5. Romans -
6. Mafia - the real-world 20th century interface that constantly turns over generationally so as to reinforce the widely-held notion of mortality
7. Jews, corporation, women, politician - Evidence exisits to suggest mafia management over all these groups.
Movies foreshadowing catastrophy
1985 James Bond View to a Kill 1989 San Francisco Loma Prieta earthquake.
Our society gives clues to the system in place. We all have heard the saying "He has more money than god." There is also an episode of the Simpsons where god meets Homer and says "I'm too old and rich for this."
This is the system on earth because this is the system everywhere.
I don't want to suggest the upper eschelons are evil and good is the fringe.
But they have made it abundantly clear that doing business with evil (disfavored) won't help people. They say only good would have the ear, since evil is struggling for survival, and therefore only the favored could help.
The clues are there which companies are favored and which are disfavored, but they conceal it very hard because it is so crucial.
I offer an example of historical proportions:::
People point to Walmart and cry "anti-union".
Unions enable disfavored people to live satisfactorly without addressing their disfavor. This way their family's problems are never resolved. Without the union they would have to accept the heirarchy, their own inferiority.
Unions serve to empower.
Walmart is anti-union because they are good. They try to help people address and resolve their problems by creating an enviornment where there are fewer hurdles.
Media ridicule and lawsuits are creations to reinforce people's belief that Walmart is evil in a subsegment of the indistry dominated by the middle and lower classes.
Low-cost disfavored Chinese labor is utilized by corporate america to maximize margins. They all do it. Only WalMart gets fingered because they are the ones who help, and those who seek to create confusion in the marketplace want to eliminate the vast middle class who have a real chance and instead stick with lower classes who may not work otherwise. So they dirty him up while allowing the others to appear clean.
The middle class is being deceived. They are being misled into the unfavored, and subsequently will have no assistance from their purchases with corporate america.
I believe the coining of the term "Uncle Sam" was a clue alluding to just this::Sam Walton and WalMart is one of few saviors of the peasant class.
Amercia is a country of castoffs, rejects. Italy sent its criminals, malcontents.
Between the thrones, the klans and kindred, they "decided" who they didn't want and acted, creating discontent and/or starvation.
The u.s. is full of disfavored rejects. It is the reason for the myriad of problems not found in European countries. As far as the Rockafellers and other industrialists of the 19th century go, I suspect these aren't their real names. I suspect they were chosen to go and head this new empire.
Royalty is the right way to organize a society. Dictatorships and monarchies are a reflection of the antient's hierarchical organization.
Positions go to those who have favor with the rulers, as opposed to being elected.
Elections bring a false sense of how the world is. Democracy misleads people.
Which is why the disfavored rejects were sent to the shores of America::To keep them on the wrong path.
Jews maim the body formed in the image of "god", and inflicted circumsision upon all other white people, as well as the evil that is Jesus Christ.
I think about how Jews (were used to) created homosexuality among Slavics, retribution for the Holocaust.
Then I think of the Catholic Church and its troubles.
What connection is here between Jews and the Catholic church???
If it is their sinister motives that’s behind the evil that is Jesus Christ are they being used at all?
Perhaps it is them who are pulling strings.
Their centuries of slavery in Egypt proves their disfavor.
The Jew leaders decided to prey on the up-and-coming Europeans to try to fix their problems with the ruling elite, a recurring aspect of the elite's methodology.
Jesus Christ is a religious figure of evil. The seperatist churches formed so they could still capture the rest of the white people, keeping them worshipping the wrong god.
And now they do it to people of color, Latinos and Asians, after centuries of preying upon them.
Since Buddism doesn't recongnize a god, the calls are never heard, and Chinese representation is instead selected by the thrones.
Budda was the Asian's Jesus Christ::: bad for the people. "They came up at the same time for a reason."
Simpson's foreshadowing::Helloween IV special, Flanders is Satan. "Last one you ever suspect."
"You'll see lots of nuns where you're going:::hell!!!" St. Wigham, Helloween VI, missionary work, destroying cultures.
Over and over, the Simpsons was a source of education and enlightenment, a target of ridicule by the system which wishes to conceal its secrets.
I believe Islam is the one true religion, and those misled christians who attack "god"'s most favored people will pay dearly one day.
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