It's time to get non-linear
There are two kinds of people in the world... Actually, there are undoubtedly more than two kinds of people in the world, but for the sake of conveniently discussing dichotomies, the dual nature of man and most pitched arguments, just about everything seems to be divided into two sides and if you aren’t blindly entrenched in one of those two sides spewing the dogma and party line, then both sides view you as trying to placate both sides.
So as I was saying, there are two kinds of people in the world, the kind of people who see things in linear terms and the kind of people who possess three dimensional thought. I, of course, am a three-dimensional, non-linear thinker, but then nobody describes themselves as a two-dimensional, linear thinker because those are often just a polite way of calling someone stupid. Since, clearly, there is no one here who is either “stupid,” “linear” or two-dimensional, we can feel free to discuss.
Linear thinkers tend to use more flattering terms to describe themselves such as “straight thinker,” “straight talker,” “straight shooter “straight forward” or “endowed with tremendous common sense.” To them, the world is not often a confusing place unless they meet someone who takes more than a split-second to make up their mind, encounter someone who changes their mind when new facts become available, talks to someone capable of considering more than two variables at any moment or watches the news. And even that confusion can be easily dismissed as someone trying to fool them by using some sort of double talk or witchcraft.
I imagine the way a linear thinker feels is much the same way Neanderthals felt when they came toe to toe with homo sapiens for the first time. Suddenly, thousands of years at the top of the evolutionary ladder came crashing down around them as these other men showed up and beat them to the prize.
As modern homo sapiens, we tend to take the name “Neanderthal” in vain. A couple of theories exist about what happened to Neanderthals. One suggests they died out because we took all their land and food when we outbred them. That sounds like us; we do like nookie and stealing. Another theory suggests they didn’t disappear so much as were consumed by us as we combined two species into one. Like horses and donkeys having mules. Some mules are a little more horse, some more donkey.
I like that theory because it explains so much about the human race and why there seem to be two basic kinds of people.
Each one of us is part modern man and part old-fashioned cavedwelling trog. One side of the family favors abstract thought, the other likes flinging poo at people we don’t like. One side likes designing advanced weapons to ensure the survival of the race, the other side just likes to kill anything that moves for fun. One side like painting their adventures on cave walls, the other side likes sitting around the fire telling stories.
And just like anybody drawing from two very different families, these traits get comingled and mixed up and used in different proportions. And so it goes with the whole race of man. Some of us are clearly not capable of non-linear thought, but rather than accept that that is a limitation, we try to play it off as a positive.
The best way to do that is never admit you might not be the sharpest tool in the shed. Never admit you are or were wrong. Fail to understand the complexities of any situation but see that as the other guy’s failure to render the situation in “clear terms” and accuse him of fence-straddling or sbfuscation. Talk about law and order, right and wrong, good and evil, black and white, this and that, good guys vs. bad guys, us and them. And never, under any circumstances see the millions of shades of gray that make up the world.
And since no one ever things of themselves as “a bad guy,” you must always think of yourself and anyone on your team as “a good guy” even if all of the evidence points in the opposite direction.
The world is a complicated place, but don’t let that goad you into complex thought or worse, complex explanations. Stick to the idea that if the world is indeed complicated, all it takes to uncomplicate it is some straight forward action – usually violence. Because when thinking fails, bombs work. At least bombs blow up and that is a kind of “working” even if it doesn’t put food in anyone’s mouth or forgiveness in anyone’s heart.
Of course, as straightforward as I might try to be, someone will probably see all of this as an exercise is convolution or crazy talk if they haven’t already been distracted by a shiny object or a reality show. So I will sum up with these words by British pop star Seal who said it best when he sang: How are we ever gonna survive unless we get a little crazy?
