fucking rednecks

I've never cared much for hayseeds. It's one thing for
real city dwellers to criticize hicks, they dont know
what's going on they just think Green Acres was close
to the mark. Being raised in the sticks, I have come
to know and despise the hayseeds I've seen. I've also
categorized them too. You see, there are hicks whowear
coveralls and have bad teeth, but there are also hicks
who wear three piece suits and sell insurance between
Rotary Club meetings. They are all shit of various
degrees, but hicks nonetheless. The onlly real
difference is polite society. Well fuck polite
society, let's get real god damn it. Let's break it
down. If you make queer jokes, you are a hayseed. If
you can't tell Chinese from Japanese by listening,
tasting or looking at the writing on the fucking menu,
you are a hick.

I've never been to China or Japan after all and I can
tell the differernce because I have a native
curiosity. Look at the side of a bottle of soy sauce
ad figure it out.

Hicks may or may not have teeth trouble, but they
probably have IQ troubles even if they can get along
with others of their kind.

I'm suffocating out here, man. I need to meet people
who know books and music and read and listen to
something other than fucking country music.

Colcannon, the Irish comfort food you never heard of

3 pounds potatoes, scrubbed
2 sticks butter
1 1/4 cups hot milk
Freshly ground black pepper
1 head cabbage, cored and finely shredded
1 (1-pound) piece ham or bacon, cooked the day before
4 scallions, finely chopped
Chopped parsley leaves, for garnish

Steam the potatoes in their skins for 30 minutes. Peel
them using a knife and fork. Chop with a knife before
mashing. Mash thoroughly to remove all the lumps. Add
1 stick of butter in pieces. Gradually add hot milk,
stirring all the time. Season with a few grinds of
black pepper.
Boil the cabbage in unsalted water until it turns a
darker color. Add 2 tablespoons butter to tenderize
it. Cover with lid for 2 minutes. Drain thoroughly
before returning it to the pan. Chop into small
pieces.

Put the ham in a large saucepan and cover with water.
Bring to the boil and simmer for 45 minutes until
tender. Drain. Remove any fat and chop into small
pieces.

Add cabbage, scallions, and ham to mashed potatoes,
stirring them in gently.
Serve in individual soup plates. Make an indentation
on the top by swirling a wooden spoon. Put 1
tablespoon of butter into each indentation. Sprinkle
with parsley.

__________________________________________________

We are the step-children of evolution

I was just thinking about freedom, why we fight for
it, if we really can fight for it and why our leaders
alway like to tell us that we are fighting for it.
Maybe the connection between fighting for oil and
freedom isn't so ludicrous after all. It's one thing
for those of us who don't fight because we can't fight
to say that we don't want anyone fighting and dying
for oil. But we do like to sit on our asses in the
light and warmth and watch TV. We like our hot meals
and quick Internet connections. And boy oh boy do we
love our cars, baby. We drive downtown and get coffee
then drive 30 miles east to see a movie because we
like the seats at the cineplex by the mall. When we're
done, we decide to come back out tomorrow to do our
shopping because we're tired. We give not one
consideration to conservation unless bitching about
the price of gas at the pump can be called
consideration. And it can't.

It's all about resources. In Paleolithic times,
everything from good rocks to water and food animals
were resources that were not only worth fighting for,
but were worth fighting for by every member of the
tribe. No one had the luxury of being a pacifist
because the only peace was the peace of the grave.
Freedom was, and is, the freedom to continue living.
So it is not necessarily illegitimate for our soldier
to fight on our behalf for the freedom oil brings us.
And it is thus likewise a bit naive to say things like
NO BLOOD FOR OIL. Because for as long as man has been
alive, we lived and died by resources.

Now, that makes a good argument for the conservative
position, perhaps a slightly more honest conservative
position than most of us are used to hearing. NeoCons
convince themselves that they are really trying to
spread Democracy and freedom to other countries at the
end of a gun. It's a position born out of frustration,
which is why NeoCons are often former liberals who've
"seen the light."

There is freedom to and freedom from. What the human
race needs now is freedom from dependence on fossil
fuels. That isn't going to happen. It's the shortage
and constant struggle to find more oil that makes it
expensive and therefore profitable. Money is a another
resource, isn't it? One created by men to make them
more powerful than other men.

And that is the rub. Where we once fought directly
over limited and very real resources, we now have the
wealthy sending the children of the poor off to fight
for resources that keep them rich and our cars
rolling, but which could be replaced if we looked
around and did the research.

We are evolution's little bitches.

__________________________________

The Cult of Geek Personality

I was talking about D&D's 30th anniversary book with
the wife of a friend the other day. The new book has a
foreword by Vin Diesel, which oddly enough lends the
greatest role-playing game of all time slightly more
credence then it previuosly had. D&D is kind of a go
to geek joke. Even people who play D&D and love it
will make fun of the other people who play it that
they find REALLY geeky. I always had a particular
hatred for people who insisted on refering to D&D as
AD&D (Advanced Dungeons & Dragons) just because the
new edition of the game that came out around 1980 so
named. But the ADVANCED part was really not necessary,
it was largely the only real version of the game in
existence, they just liked how it sounded. As if only
stupid people played mere D&D. NO sir, we are ADVANCED
and SUPERIOR individuals who's vorpal blades do not go
snicker snack. Whatever. Douchebags.

With that said, I've got this group of friends who
have been playing the same role playing game for 22
years. Thing is, it isn't D&D or even AD&D, it's a
game called Journey Beyond. You've never heard of it
because only they play it. You see, they made it up
because they couldn't figure out the rules to D&D. I
mean, there are a lot of books to read and if you are
starting off totally on your own, D&D is a bitch. Most
of us learned by hooking up with people who walked us
through it and then one can see that it isn't all that
hard, there are just a lot of charts to consult to see
what happens when you roll your dice. No biggie.

They managed to simplify this game down to one simple
concept. "Roll whatever I tell you that you need to
roll in order to succeed at what it is you are
attempting." The guy in charge has a minor God complex
and basically lets people he likes get away with more
stuff than people he has judged as weak. It is
something to see.

They are getting ready for their annual reunion. I go
to watch and piss on everythkng. I'm surprised they
let me. Mostly I sit nice and quiet for hours until I
spot something fucked up and then I get to call
bullshit on it. I am allowed this luxury because the
guy running the game likes me and finds my comments
amusing. This throws their little universe out of
whack. I don't have to be nice or buy chips or pizza
because I don't have a character in the game.

It's a rel fucking cult I tell you.

__________________________________________________

Bloodbath takes center stage on cable news

Why is this Atlanta shooting all over the cable news
networks? Besides the fact that CNN is based in
Atlanta (been there, took the tour, saw the gift
shop), this really isn't national news, is it? Any
time a story contains a good many quotes from one of
the hostages grandparents (who called her a hero and
said she "hit a home run for Christ"), it's a local
story.

This Brian Nichols guy shoots a judge, a reporter, a
stenographer, a deputy and a federal agent who was
off-duty and working on his house. It's sad and wrong,
but it doesn't have anything to do with the rest of
the country. Nichols was just a con; he wasn't a
terrorist. He didn't hold the area in abject terror.

The whole thing lasted about 24 hours and overshadowed
the murder of eight people in a Wisconsin church, the
Bankruptcy Bill, the Shiite/Kurd coalition formed in
Iraq and Lord knows how many other important stories.
These bastards complain all the time that they have a
24 news cycle to fill. Fine, that would explain
covering this story in this manner if nothing else was
going on in the world, but not covering this story
thusly when there are important issues that need
covered.

It's just pure salaciousness, a foul attempt to keep
people tuned in with tabloid-style luridness.

__________________________________________________

Please act now to save the Arctic Wildlife Refuge

Save The National Wildlife Refuge. It is 19 million
acres comprising one of the last places on earth where
an intact expanse of arctic and sub arctic lands
remains protected.
Drilling in the Arctic Refuge can't make even a
small dent in meeting America's energy needs. U.S.
Geological Survey scientists estimate that there is
very likely only enough oil to supply America's
needs for six months. And oil companies admit that,
even that, won't be available for at least 10 years.
An irreplaceable natural treasure, the Arctic
Refuge is home to caribou, polar bears, grizzly
bears, wolves, golden eagles, snow geese and more.
Millions of other birds use the Arctic Refuge to
nest and as a critical staging area on their
migratory journeys.
Of course, the Arctic Refuge supports more than
wildlife. For a thousand generations, the Gwich'in
people of Northeast Alaska and Northwest Canada have
depended on it and lived in harmony with it. To
them, the Arctic Coastal Plain is sacred ground.

My grocery store rocks ... like a hurricane

So I just came back from my local grocery story, SuperSaver ... that's
right, one word ... and you would not believe what I heard over the
store's speaker system. Go ahead guess. Try as you might, it's not gonna
happen, so I'll just tell you, Alex Trebec. "New Moon on Monday" by Duran
Duran. This is a DD song that I don't recall getting huge airplay back
in the day. It wasn't "Hungry Like the Wolf," "Rio," or even "Wild Boys."
I'm not complaining mind you, not at all, I think it's cool as hell, but
it's like "what the fuck?" I can't buy an 80s CD with anything but "She
Blinded Me with Science" and "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" on it, but my
grocery store is playing a song that only I and my half a fag buddies
knew back in 1984.

And that's nothing. The other day, I heard "Sign of Fire" by The Fixx.
Now, The Fixx is a band that maybe a dozen people remember and even
then they only remember "One Thing Leads to Another" and mabye, MAYBE
"Red Skies at Night." but "Sign of Fire?" That's some seriously deep
album track shit, my nizzles.

So why is my second rate local grocery store so cool? I don't know.
The thought that scared me the most was that there was a guy too much
like me somewhere behind the scenes playing his old 80s favs for the
folks. I knew he'd have to be one pissed off and desperate loner just
waiting to snap. This made me reflect on the horror that is my own life.

Thankfully for both of us, that was not the case. Apparently this is a
service like any other store might use, just better. It comes over the
satellite and no one in the store selects it. It's like Sirius or XM
for retail. This did not get me thinking much beyond that point except
to say, cool, I guess.

And I thought I was getting old in 1990 when I heard a muzak version
of "Purple Rain" that would have made my grandmother want to waltz.

Jazz Hands!

Hillary Swank's character dies at the end of "Million Dollar Baby!"

SPOILER ALERT!

Hilary Swank pictured here
looking fat for her, but good
in the context of a more realistic
and less objectifying model of
feminine beauty. I mean, I'd do
her.

Taboos: Good rules to live by or just moral relativism bullshit?

Here's a good example of moral relativity.
In the United States, it is considered
taboo to do anything sexual with a child.
Who would argue that point? But in the
United States, we consider anyone under 18
as off limits... mostly. It varies from state
to state.

There are legal limits set by all
of the states, but what comes first, the moral
attitude or the law that reinforces the attitude?
Now, in England, the age of consent is 16.
Anyone can go out and find themselves a kid of
16 and should they ply them with alcohol,
weed or just good conversation then have
sex with them, it's all perfectly
acceptable. A kid's parents might not like
it, but legally they have no recourse.

Now check out this little bit of moral
higgledy-piggledy. It is legal in 24 states
to marry one's cousin. Sixteen of those
states have no restrictions whatsover. The
other eight say it's tickety-boo with
various provisions: no double first
cousins, genetic counseling, inability to
have kids. And there isn't some obvious
distinction between which states allow it
and which don't.

It's not a Southern thing or even a red
state thing. California, New York and
Vermont allow kissng cousins to wed and scrog
without any restricitons right alongside Alabama,
Tennessee and Georgia. At the same time,
Mississippi, Louisiana and Arkansas don't even
want cousins holding hands let alone balling.
They are in the company of such liberal brothels
as Minnesota, Washington and Oregon.

Morality is backed up by science here
under the assumption that it is immoral to
create mutant children just to go swimming
in the family pool. Variety is the spice
of genetics. If one person has certain
inherited recessive traits and marries another
person with the same recessive traits because
they are family, the chances increase dramatically
that any offspring will be born with those traits
in the dominant form. By marrying outside the family,
recessive traits are more likely to stay recessive.
Hence, no mutants!

On the other hand, it is legitimate to posit that
if a marriage isn't going to produce children,
does it really matter if the spouses are related
before they get married? Two cousins might grow up
like siblings or having never met. That's
got to change the way things look.

I live in Iowa. We don't go for the
institutaionlized practice of cousin-
loving here. Our neighbors in Wisconsin
allow the practice so long as no offspring
will be produced from the union. Here comes
the shameful or at least embarrassing part.
Half of my family lives in Iowa while the
other half lives in Wisconsin. I have an
aunt in Iowa who cannot have children.
She and her cousin, from Wisconsin (see where
this is going?), decided that they got along
VERY well. They were lonely and since she couldn't
have kids, they were able to get married
in Wisconisn. Everynbody in Wisconsin
thinks this is just freaking awesome while
the Iowa side of the family (with the
exception of a few of the more toothless
hillbilly holdouts) is largely puking their
guts out.

Taboos are fascinating things designed to
prevent certain ill effects, perceived or
real. Pedophilia, bestiality, incest,
miscegination, homosexuality, masturbation.
All of these subjects are or have been listed as
no-gos either in the doing or in the talking about
them afterwards. Rape and incest have always been
wrong, but they've always been done. It used to be
considered more wrong to talk about them after the
fact.

Human beings are funny. Funny queer, not ha-ha.